


Draw Your Swords

by dreamthieff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Mention of injuries, Minor Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamthieff/pseuds/dreamthieff
Summary: Anyone you'd ask would consider Takashi Shirogane a lucky person, but Shiro wasn't sure if he believed in luck. If he did, then it would be more of a curse than anything else.After enduring irreplaceable loses throughout his life, he wasn’t entirely sure what counted as luck. If loneliness and grief were what faith had set him up for most of his life, he was not very keen on letting it have a say anymore.But the universe wasn’t done with Shiro yet.





	1. Chapter I

Shiro was used to hearing the same words over and over.

_You’re so lucky._

_You’re incredibly brave. _

_I mean, what else could we expect from the golden boy?_

And he got it. Really, most of the time he understood where people were coming from. Shiro did pretty well in high school, he managed to get into a good university and was one of the best students of his class.

People knew his name.

However, every time someone made any type of remark regarding his “luck”, something inside of his stomach boiled. He tried to shove it away whenever he felt it because some part of him still believed he had to feel grateful that people actually cared enough to look up to him. But it didn’t stop the sentiment of feeling a little hollow, a little fake. A little lonely.

The truth was that Shiro didn’t know if he believed in luck. Maybe he had gotten a little lucky along the way, but he hated how people used that word to simplify him. Making it seem as if he didn’t put any effort to be where he was today. Because most of them didn’t even care beyond the symbol, beyond the idea of Takashi Shirogane. Not many asked, either.

But he didn’t complain. He couldn’t complain.

Maybe luck was a burden.

Takashi Shirogane’s parents died in a fire when he was really young. Being the only child of a Japanese couple that had, with hard work, just gotten to America, he ended up in the foster care system. At eight years old, he got sent into different foster homes throughout that time, some with nice, decent people, and some with people who still came up on his worst nightmares. He thought he remembered once being a bubbly, witty, happy child, but at nine he was already getting in fights and got in more trouble than he would have wanted to. It was just the way to stay afloat back then.

A little more than a year later, his grandfather found him. He hadn’t found out about his daughter and son-in-law passing away only a couple of months after it had happened. He left everything behind in Japan and flew to America, without any clue of where Shiro could be, but a letter his daughter had sent him when they had just gotten to Colorado. Since Shiro had been moved so many times, it became almost impossible to find him, considering that they didn’t have much information on him. A year later, he found him at a group home in Utah. He took him to a tiny house in the surroundings of Denver that soon became what Shiro warmly associated with the word home.

The first years with his grandfather weren’t easy. The time he spent in the system made Shiro a really anxious, defensive kid. He wouldn’t deliberately talk to his grandfather nor did he trust anything he said, but if there was something Haruto was, it was a patient person. He taught Shiro how to sew, how to garden, how to cook. They played menko, they painted and they solved puzzles. None of these tasks were easy for Shiro at first, since he was very short tempered and got frustrated very easily. However, Haruto’s constant encouragement and ongoing quote “patience yields focus” pushed Shiro to better himself and to become a more empathetic and understanding person.

The first time Shiro had planted roses, he had become very frustrated because they hadn’t grown anything in a week. His grandfather sat him down and told him that just because something took time to blossom didn’t mean that it would never grow into something beautiful. You just had to make sure to care for them. To give them the amount of water and sunlight they needed, and then to let them do the rest. A few weeks later the roses were on their maximum splendor, and Shiro couldn’t stand the happiness he felt. They were stunning on the little garden they had on their backyard. Shiro couldn’t believe he had been a little part on making such a beautiful thing bloom. When colder days arrived and the flowers started dying, it was hard for Shiro. He wondered what was the point of having these beautiful things, moments in life if they would end up dying in the end either way. Haruto had to explain that everything in life as it started had to end. That if they come from the earth, that’s where they should go back to, and that it didn’t mean they would go away forever.

Soon enough, his grandfather became Shiro’s favorite person. As he grew up, he realized how difficult it must have been for him, a Japanese old man who didn’t know the language, who wasn’t entirely familiar with the culture, who didn’t have a job nor citizenship to settle in America just to be with Shiro. He believed that Haruto was the embodiment of his own beliefs. Just as he taught Shiro patience and to never give up on anything, he had also never given up on him.

Another thing he had taught Shiro was about those strange markings that appeared on your body, that were words your “soulmate” would say to you. Not necessarily the first ones, but they would be told at a time when you would be supposedly ready to know. However, it was most of the time very early on when you had met that person. Apparently they would go bold and burn when his soulmate said the words. Haruto showed Shiro his’, which were on the skin of the left side of his chest, near his heart. He had explained Shiro that the first time he’d talked to his grandmother, he’d thought that he was having a heart attack. _“Is this your cat?”_ the words had read, in Japanese. They had both always thought it was hilarious.

Shiro always asked him to tell the story over and over. Haruto was convinced the words still tugged at his heart from time to time whenever he saw his wife, even after her death, just by thinking about her.

Haruto also explained that your words tend to show up when you are born or when you are really young. In some cases, when you are a bit older. And that, sometimes, they don’t show up at all. Shiro would have loved to say he didn’t care nor check his skin every day for a while, growing a little disappointed just as a little bit more hopeful every single day.

Shiro’s words had suddenly appeared one winter evening on the wrist of his right arm when he was fifteen. The first thing he noticed was that the words were in English. “_You can see the Ursa Major from here” _they read, and Shiro couldn’t suppress the smile that grew on his face. He had just seen the constellation the night before with his grandfather.

The second thing he realized after the shocking news his skin had brought him that he, indeed, had a soulmate somewhere out in the world, was that they wouldn’t be a girl. He felt the tug of shame and anxiety at the bottom of the stomach, but he then found comfort in the knowledge that, even if he was a guy who liked guys, there was someone out there that could, potentially reciprocate his love. He had, then, proof of that. After that day, Shiro had held onto his wrist like a gift, feeling a little lucky, for the first time in forever.

That was until the accident happened.

Shiro was almost eighteen. Haruto had gifted him a second hand, black truck that Shiro loved with his entire being. One night he decided to take his grandfather to the mountains to see the stars. He couldn’t have known. He couldn’t have foreseen the drunk driver getting in the way when they were driving the curve. The truck summersaulted towards a ditch. Haruto was killed instantly. The impact threw Shiro out of the window, where the hood crashed against his arm. His right arm. They had to amputate it right away or the internal bleeding would have killed him.

People said he was lucky.

He sure as hell didn’t feel lucky when he had woken up in the hospital room to the news that Haruto was gone.

He sure as hell didn’t feel lucky when he looked besides him only to find out that his right arm was gone, and with it, his words.

Haruto had left him the house and years of saving. Enough to go to college. Enough to survive, at least, for a while. The truck wasn’t completely torn apart, but it didn’t work, so Shiro had it on the garage. Away. Where he couldn’t be reminded of what happened. Where he couldn’t be reminded that if he hadn’t had the stupid idea of going out that night, Haruto would still be alive. The reminders were already everywhere else. In the house, the telescope, the garden’s flowers. In the scars he wore across his nose and body, and the arm that was once there.

He always tried to keep the house as neat as Haruto did but, sometimes, being alone in there became too much. So he focused everything he had on studying, on sports, on knowledge. He took a gap years to mourn and work. Most of Haruto’s money was left untouched. He worked with his high school friend Matt at his fathers’ lab where they assisted Dr. Holt on some of his researches. There, he offered Shiro a metallic prosthetic arm that gave him full mobility and could work underwater. At first, Shiro did not want to accept, but Mr. Holt had built it especially for him. Every day, when he got up and put the arm on and could, finally, put on some pants without it being an absolute hustle, he reminded himself that he owed the Holts the world and would, someday, repay that.

He also worked at a public pool, teaching elderly people how to swim. With the money he gained and his good grades, he got a scholarship to study Aerospace Engineering Sciences at the University of Colorado. He couldn’t stop crying when he received the letter, desperately wishing he could show it to his grandfather.

After three years of studying at the university, he became one of the most accomplished students of his generation. Teachers liked him and his fellow classmates respected him. He was also in the swimming team with Matt, where he was known for his speed and discipline.

He had been in a few relationships, but they had all mostly flopped because his focus was mainly on studying and on finishing the course, to become someone Haruto would be proud of.

He tried really hard to ignore the idea of soulmates, especially since it happened so much at University. You saw at least one person finding their match every single day. And people were discreet.

He was tired of the anxiety that grew on him each time he heard his words on his Astronomy classes, which had been a few. Shiro knew it could have been anyone that had spoken those words, but he would never know unless the other person spoke up about their own mark. Shiro tried to talk to them sometimes, to see if something happened, but nothing ever did.

It didn’t help that, one time, he was at a bar with Matt and he heard some guy say that, sometimes, the soulmate deal wouldn’t be mutual, and that, maybe, your soulmate would have someone else’s words which would be eventually reciprocated. Shiro knew that that theory had no backing, but the soulmate deal was still a mystery to humanity, so how could he say that was wrong? Maybe he was one of those people.

The absence of his words and the absence of his arm not only reminded him that he would never know, but also of the beautiful evenings where his grandfather would sit with him near the fire and tell him stories about his grandmother. He really did try to give relationships a try, but a piece of his heart wasn’t there. That piece of his heart wasn’t anywhere.

Shiro didn’t know if he believed in luck. But on bad nights, it was all he could think about. It was all that would plague his mind until he couldn’t breathe. “Why”, he would think. “Why did I have to be the lucky one? Why did I have to survive and not them, why did I have to live to be alone?”

He knew that he, technically, wasn’t alone. He had the Holt family. He had his friends at university, Hunk and Allura. But he was lonesome. He felt it deep in his chore. He focused on his work and goals, but he had the awful, tugging fear that it could all be taken away in a matter of seconds. Like his parents. Like Haruto. Like the reassurance of the possibility of being loved wholeheartedly.

But he lived like that. He had to.

“Morning, Sunshine.” Matt sang through the phone.

“It’s 2 pm, Matt.” Shiro rolled his eyes and put away the book he was reading on wormholes. “Spit it.”

He often used Sunday afternoons to go to the university’s library and catch up on complementary readings that the teachers suggested them to read. Shiro usually took suggestions as challenges.

“What do you mean?” Matt tried to sound clueless, but Shiro just waited. “… Okay so, remember that girl I’ve told you about? The one that has been going to our swimming matches, Romelle?”

Shiro hummed, distracted by the sound of the librarian hushing someone. “_Mister McClain, if you don’t stop it…”_

“She’s throwing a party on Friday and one of her friends invited Pidge, who invited me!”

He chuckled a little, and lowered his voice when the librarian, once again, called someone out. “And you should totally go.”

“Wait, really?”

“Sure. But I’m not picking you up this time, man. Finals are next week and I’m not finished with Orbit Mech. Plus I really, really dislike driving your car. I barely even fit with the amount of gadgets you keep in there.”

“No, no. You’re not picking me up.” He could practically see Matt holding his phone as if he were having a face to face conversation with Shiro. “You are coming with me.”

“Matt. I-”

He was about to answer when he heard a rushed, “Hey, hey. Sorry,”

Shiro looked up.

To say that the guy had an “excited” face was putting it lightly. He had tan skin, brown hair, wore a bag across his chest and a huge smug smile on his face. He sighed. “Matt, one second.”

“You’re Takashi Shirogane, right? I mean, I know you’re Takashi Shirogane, hah. Sorry to bother you, man.”

Matt kept talking on the phone and the guy in front of him looked like he had the energy of five toddlers combined so Shiro felt a little dizzy. “Yeah, yeah. Is there anything I can help you with?”

He grinned and patted a guy that was hovering a few feet behind him, looking at anywhere as if pretending he didn’t know the excited guy. He couldn’t get a closer look because the excited guy got a little closer to his table. “You assist the Intro to Dynamics teacher, right? I was wondering if you had anything on linear and non-linear systems. I’m usually not that lost in that class, but I swear it all sounded like Sims language to my ears.”

Shiro chuckled at that and let out a breath. At least he could deal with questions about the program.

“Sure.” He grabbed his folder where he had the assistant-ship's program organized neatly. He took out the worksheets on dynamics and systems, and handed it to the excited guy. “There you go. My e-mail’s underneath if you had any other doubt.”

“Oooh, e-mail.” He said in that tone of his and turned around to find out the guy who was with him had left just a few seconds ago. Shiro raised an eyebrow before the excited guy turned to him again. “Thanks, bro. I mean- Shirogane. I’m Lance by the way.”

Shiro shook his hand. “Nice meeting you, Lance.” He said and wondered if he had really meant it. “You can call me Shiro.”

“Really? Great!” He said, well, excitedly. “Honestly, thanks for the worksheet, man. I’ve been finding Intro really challenging this semester.”

Shiro huffed. “I hear you. Last year I spent more time at the door of Iverson’s office asking for clarification than in my own house.”

“You did?!” Lance said in a surprised tone. Shiro gave him a tight smiled at that and looked down. Yet another person who thought he had it easy; but before he could muster anything, Lance said, “Mullet always does that as well. He says a lot of people often fear asking for clarification in the program fearing they would look less smart or something, but it's an essential part of learning.”

Shiro genuinely smiled at that. “That’s what I think too. Being proud makes you miss out on the most important learning experiences.”

Lance snorted. “That’s something mullet would say, too.”

Shiro was going to ask who Lance was referring to when he heard a voice coming from his phone. Right. Matt.

Shiro looked at Lance. “Sorry, man. I’m just…” He pointed at his phone and rolled his eyes.

“Sure, sure, sure. I won’t keep you any longer.” He was about to turn around when he jumped. “Oh, right! There’s a party this Friday at my friend Romelle’s, you should totally come along!”

Lance waved him goodbye and when Shiro grabbed his phone to his ear, he put a palm on his forehead as he heard Matt laugh. “We partyin’ this Friday, babyyyyyyyy.”

“Not happening.”

They ended up going in Allura’s old chevy. Neither Shiro nor her were very convinced of going, since they were both preoccupied with the exams of the following week, but Hunk apparently had a few friends in common with Romelle, and Matt would not let the opportunity pass by. In the end, Allura elbowed Shiro’s side, telling him with a smile that they could use a little break. Shiro caved in then, because he knew his friends deserved to have fun, and for that they would probably need somebody to drive them home safetly.

Shiro didn’t spend that much time in the dorm rooms, since he didn’t live as far from the university to have a room himself. Matt and Allura also lived off campus, so the few times he had gone have been to play video games with Hunk. Which weren’t many times either, that Shiro recalled. But he really liked the environment and the energy that came from those rooms. Like a little community. Sometimes it made him feel like he was missing out, but either way he didn’t want to abandon his grandfather’s house.

Apparently, Romelle used a single room because of a paperwork error, or maybe because her roommates just never showed up. Hence, she was known for having parties and get togethers at her dorm. Shiro was often invited, not that he would ever admit to Matt, but he always found an excuse not to go. During his first years he used to have a much more present social life, but not that much since starting his junior year. Too much to study, he told people, too much to review.

As they walked in, Shiro recognized a few faces from his generation. They all greeted them with cheers and patted him on the shoulder. Even people who he didn’t know, probably sophomores and freshmen, turned to look at him. Shiro was used to it, but it still, deep down, made him feel slightly unsettled. What was it that they saw? Who was it that they saw?

As they were making their way to the kitchen, as you do when you enter any party, they ran into a tinier version of their friend.

“Pidge!” Matt stopped in front of her. “How is my favorite sister in the entire world?!”

“I am your only sister, moron.” She turned to look at the others. “Guys! I’m glad you all could make it. See? I told you they **all** would come!”

She yelled at the kitchen’s entrance, where excited guy, no, Lance made his way out of it.

“It’s because **I** also invited them.” He said and stopped as he saw Matt and Shiro standing there. “Shiro, my man! I’m glad you could come!”

“Thanks?” He said as Lance high fived him before freezing when he saw who was besides Shiro.

“A… Allura… you… you… came…”

Shiro raised his eyebrows and shared an amused look with Allura.

“You… you... stunning… look…”

Allura turned and gave him a smug look. “Have we met before?”

Lance visibly blushed and recomposed himself before extending a hand with the confidence of a man who didn’t look like he was just about to burst into flames a few seconds before. “I’m Lance, Lance McClain, sophomore.” Allura, clearly entertained, shook his hand. “Enchanté”

Shiro was used to seeing guys woo and flirt with Allura but, surprisingly enough, he had never seen Allura actually engaging with it, nor blushing herself. “A pleasure, Lance McClain, sophomore.”

Lance, as far as Shiro had seen, was the kind of person who always wore a smile on his face. It was characteristic, encouraging, smug and charismatic. However, the smile that he was giving Allura was a completely different one. Shiro could tell that much. He didn’t take long to realize they were all there, in the end, as part of a bigger plan. Maybe even bigger than they one Pidge and Lance seemed to be pulling.

Lance, then, turned as he went back to his jovial smile to greet the others. “Hunk!” He said as he jumped to bear hug Hunk. “My moon, my blood. I miss you every moment that we are apart.”

“Right,” said Hunk as he got out of the hug while feigning annoyance. “Because we totally didn’t see each other a few hours ago when I beat your ass in Mario Kart.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance ignored him and looked at Matt, offering a high five. “Hey, man!”

“Hey! I’ve seen you at the swimming matche…” He stopped and looked around dramatically as he spotted Romelle and yeeted himself out of the group.

“And off he goes.” Pidge looked at Shiro and they both shook their heads in acknowledgment. “I’m gonna go make sure he doesn’t say anything he’ll regret.”

“I’ll come with, plus I need to get the recipe of those cookies you were eating the other day that Romelle made.” Hunk followed Pidge to where Matt was heading.

Shiro quickly realized the position he was left in, so he eyed both Lance, who was nervously touching the back of his head as he talked with Allura, whose ears were hilariously red.

He approached her a little bit to tell her, “I’m gonna head to the bathroom, if I can find it.”

He waited a little to see if Allura gave any sign of being uncomfortable by being left alone with Lance, and when he found none, they nodded at each other and he turned around.

As Shiro had no intention of going to the bathroom, he walked for a while through the party, looking for, at least, something he could eat. He approached a big table that was at the middle of the room, near a balcony that led to a little backyard where people were dancing and drinking. As he was about to grab a snack when a figure came across and positioned next to where the little sandwiches rested.

“Shirogane out in the wild, who would have thought.” The guy said as grabbed a chip and tossed it to his mouth, moving his long platinum blond hair out of his face. “The rumours are true, then, apparently he is human.”

“Lotor.”

He was also a junior in the program and had, throughout the years, developed the idea that Shiro was out there to destroy his academic career. He always made silly, competitive remarks to show off and demonstrate that he was going to outshine Shiro, which he sometimes did with some grades. Shiro, however, never took the bait and continued with his own thing, and people still liked him for that, which apparently made Lotor’s blood boil.

Lotor could have been someone Shiro respected, but he knew he sometimes went over the top and did certain things to get his grades, such as buying some teachers or using his father’s influence on people. Shiro hadn’t felt like himself ever since his grandfather died, but if there was something was still set still has stone, it was the principles and values Haruto had taught him throughout the years.

That’s why he dismissed him, and went to grab the mini sandwich anyway.

“What? Your highness won’t give me the time of the day?”

Shiro tried really hard not to roll his eyes in front of Lotor.

“You said that, not me.” He smiled, waved his sandwich goodbye and turned around.

As he was leaving he heard Lotor say, in a very neutral tone. “I know **who** you are, Takashi Shirogane. Don’t forget that.”

Shiro’s blood froze, not realizing exactly why.

He didn’t stop. He knew that if he gave any sign that those words had affected him, it would give Lotor the upper hand to do more harm. He needed to get out of there.

With his heart almost jumping out of his throat, he made his way through the dorm room, bumping with some people, trying to seem normal. Trying to breathe.

He went through the hall and knocked on one of the doors that was near the end of it. As he didn’t hear a reply, he opened it a little and peered to check there was actually nobody in there. It was apparently a workout room, because there was a pair of yoga mats, a walking machine and a few weights. He saw that there were glass sliding doors that lead to another balcony, which was directed to the opposite end from the one where everyone else was partying.

And so he closed the door behind him and went straight out to the balcony, leaned on the railing on his elbows and let out a deep, heavy breath.

_I know who you are, Takashi Shirogane._ Lotor had said. He often wondered who people thought he was, but he didn’t have the courage to wonder that himself. Who was he? A fake? A liar?

Guilty.

Before he began spiralling into dark thoughts, he heard someone clear their throat behind him and immediately turned around.

With a leg up the railing, the other one hanging, arms crossed and back against the wall was a guy. He was dressed mostly in black and gray, except for a few red stripes on the arms of his leather jacket.

“Sorry, man. I thought nobody was here.” Shiro said and hoped it sounded genuine. “I can leave if you want.”

It wasn’t that guy’s balcony, nor Shiro’s, but if he was there it was very likely that he wanted to be alone, just as Shiro had.

The guy inspected him from underneath some strands of hair that covered bits of his eyes. “I don’t mind.”

Shiro nodded. He looked at the sky. It wasn’t particularly clear, but you could still see bright, shining stars in between small, grey-ish clouds. He saw some of the Ursa Minor and immediately looked away. He turned to the guy.

“Not a fan of crowds, I assume.”

He immediately cringed after saying that. He wasn’t exactly a fan of small talk himself, but he was desperate not to be alone with his thoughts.

The guy seemed not to mind as he looked away from the sky as well and turned his gaze towards Shiro, head tilted. “I think I could probably say the same about you.”

Shiro hid a small smile by pretending to rub his chin with his shoulder. He thought it could probably be assumed that he was a people person, that he liked the attention. It couldn’t be further from the truth. “Touché.”

Shiro turned around, leaning on the railing again. The breeze was really nice that night, and he was glad he had brought his jacket. The gentle wind moved the leaves of the oak trees close to the building swiftly. He remembered he had once stayed with a family that had had a garden big enough to fit a few oak trees in there. The family was never in the house, so he spent the month he was in their care under one of those trees.

He stood there, looking at the leaves for a while, enjoying the sound of the wind against them, when he felt the guy approaching the front of the railing, setting himself a few feet away from him, not too close but also not too far either. Shiro knew he was calculating his steps, which is something he was very familiar with himself.

He saw, from his peripheral view, how the guy kneeled and picked a branch of dry leaves that had probably flown to the balcony. He started picking the leaves out of the branch and putting them on the railing, each one, on top of each other.

Shiro looked down and grabbed another branch with dry leaves and started doing the exact same. He saw the corner of the guy’s mouth move as they both took their time piling the leaves. They did that for a while, until they had a connected their piles and the wind blew them away. They both groaned in frustration and immediately laughed. Shiro felt light, after a really long time.

Shiro turned to properly look at him. The first thing he noticed were his eyes. Even in the night, he could see that they were a shade of blue that the moonlight and the few lights on the street made look as if they were purple. But it wasn’t exactly the color that had drawn his attention, it was that they were really expressive. Vulnerable. Which contradicted everything else that seemed to involved him.

The other thing he noticed was his hair.

“Hey, are you Lance’s classmate?”

He looked a bit taken aback at that, but Shiro waited, giving him space.

“I, uh. Yeah.” Shiro nodded in encouragement. “We shared most of our classes in freshman year, and I couldn’t get rid of him after that.”

“He seems like an interesting character.”

The guy gave him a little smile. “Trust me, that’s an understatement. But he’s a good guy, underneath all, well, *that*. Don't tell him I said or I won't hear the end of it until the day I die.”

Shiro chuckled at that. “He won't hear anything from me.”

The guy tried to erase his smile with the back of his hand, but Shiro could still get a glimpse of it.

“What’s your name, by the way?”

The guy inspected him for a few seconds. Shiro didn’t even ask himself what he could have been seeing.

“I’m Keith.”

“Keith.” Shiro repeated, without thinking.

“And you’re…”

It seemed like Keith knew who he was, but still wanted to give him the opportunity to introduce himself. Shiro really appreciated that.

“Shiro. I’m Shiro”

“Shiro.” Keith repeated.

They stood there, at the railing, looking at the sky for a while longer, when Shiro realized he didn’t know how long he had been in there. He turned a little, not to seem disrespectful, and checked his phone. He had a few texts from Allura asking him if he was alright, the he had seen him with Lotor. Then some more, twenty minutes, thirty minutes later. He smiled, because he knew Allura cared but didn’t want to seem too noisy. Shiro replied quickly that he was okay and would be heading there whenever they wanted to leave.

It surprised him, though, that Matt hadn’t texted him a ridiculous amount of times. And in that sense, it also surprised him that Pidge hadn’t even said anything either.

“Guess it worked.” He said out loud.

“Huh?” Keith turned to him.

“Matt, a friend of mine, has been crushing on a girl for a while. Apparently he managed not to let his incredible amount of energy scare her away.”

“You mean Matt as in Pidge’s brother?”

“You know Pidge?”

“She’s one of my best friends. That means her stupid plan of bringing Romelle and Matt together worked?” He shook his head, palm on his forehead.

“Wait. So this wasn’t a plan to get Lance and Allura together?”

“Allura is here?” Keith raised his eyebrows, amusement on his eyes. “Did Lance have a heart attack?”

“He looked like he was about to.” Shiro smiled and considered. “But it seems it might be mutual.”

Keith shook his head and properly smiled. Shiro could, then, get a glimpse of the dimples forming on his cheeks. “Pidge might be a bigger genius than we give her credit for.”

“Would never doubt that.” He looked away from Keith and shook his head. “Weird…”

“…What?”

“I don’t get it. You’re a sophomore. You are friends with Lance who is apparently friends with Hunk, a friend of mine as well. Pidge is your friend, who is my best friend’s sister…” He looked at Keith. “How haven’t we properly met before?”

Keith seemed quiet for a while. He leaned on the railing and looked at the sky once more. Shiro waited, and thought that maybe he had said something wrong. But after a few seconds Keith spoke again.

"I guess some things are better not rushed. You, know, like, some things happen when they have to and shit." He looked at his feet and laughed. "We're just threads of stars in an universe of possibilities, in the end. At least my dad used to say that."

Shiro looked at him and frowned for a second or two. He didn't know why but what Keith said, or maybe the way he said that made Shiro feel a little light-headed. He raised his prosthetic hand to his heart and tried to breathe. Then, looked at the stars.

“He sounds like a wise man.”

“He was.”

Shiro never knew what he wanted people’s reaction to be like when they found out about his parents or his grandfather. He never seemed to know what would be right. But he did know what wouldn’t be.

So he looked at his hands on the railing. “My grandfather used to say something similar as well.”

Keith looked at him and Shiro looked back. And there was that. Understanding.

He smiled and Keith smiled back, no trace of pity.

“Yeah?” Keith said.

“I got easily frustrated as a kid.” Shiro said, surprising himself. He cleared his throat. “He taught me many things about waiting, about balance, about nature.”

Keith listened very attentively, which made Shiro feel a little self-conscious. Not in a bad way. Just in that type of way where you are seen after a very long time.

“He always used this one quote… it actually got ingrained in my brain.” Shiro laughed.

Keith’s eyes were soothing, calming. “What was it?”

“Patience yields focus.”

The calmness of Keith’s eyes completely disappeared as he opened them, as big as plates, gave a little yelp and jumped, throwing his hand to the back of his neck and removing it instantly.

“What-, Keith. Are you okay?”

“I…” Keith said, looking feral as a cat, grabbing and releasing the railing several times. “I need to go.”

“Are you hurt? You-” Shiro gave a step forward.

“No, d-don't. Just… leave me alone.” He said, crossed the glass door and disappeared.

Shiro stood there, at the balcony, frozen, completely and utterly confused at what had just happened.

For a second it seemed to be one of the most appeasing nights he had had in a while. He thought he was making a new, interesting, captivating friend only for him to run away for no reason. He went over what had said once, twice, ten times.

He knew that the logical thing was that something had happened to Keith, himself, that didn’t have anything to do with him.

But maybe Keith had realized something. Maybe he had seen something.

_I know who you are, Takashi Shirogane. _

Lotor knew. Keith knew. Everyone knew.

They knew Shiro had nothing to do there. Had nothing to do in that university, in that city, in that country. They knew he was supposed to be dead, but survived at the cost of others. If it wasn’t for Shiro, his parents wouldn’t have moved to America and they wouldn’t have died in that fire. If it wasn’t for Shiro, his grandfather wouldn’t have come back for him to work endlessly and suffer from cultural shock. If it wasn’t for him, his grandfather wouldn’t have been in that truck, in that curve. If it wasn’t for him, he would still be alive.

He held onto the railing and slowly fell to the floor. He looked at the stars, symbol of so many things that would never happen. He put his arm over his eyes and cried.

He tried to breathe. He tried to breathe.

Takashi Shirogane, sometimes, believed in luck. And he admitted he had gotten lucky at times. But it ran through his veins like a poison, and weighed over him like a curse.


	2. Chapter II

After an intense week of exams, the summer holidays finally arrived. Shiro thought he had done a decent job but was still a little anxious about Orbit Mech/Att Dyn and Control, no matter how much he had studied with Allura. After the night of the party, he had tried to focus only on the exams, so he had to admit he was glad they were over. He had also stopped thinking too much about that night, it was of no use, he thought, to worry what had happened. Keith was just a stranger, in the end. He would, however, had been lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit more conscious of the people walking around campus. He had spotted Lance several times, along with Pidge and Romelle. But no one else. It seemed as though he had disappeared. But Shiro didn’t have time to worry about that, he had two, three hour long exams to get ready for.

In the end, he got excellent marks in almost every exam. He had even gotten a higher point than Lotor on Orbit. He had never really cared about it before, since he wasn’t in it for the competition, but a part of him was really satisfied about that, just as another part slightly afraid. He had felt Lotor’s eyes on his back the entirety of the last class.

Shiro usually used the holidays to work and research new findings on aerospace engineering. However, Dr. Holt told Matt and Shiro that he and his wife, Colleen, would be taking a vacation that summer. Everyone was really glad for them to finally take time for themselves, especially Matt who would now be having the house for himself. Shiro, of course, was too, and even helped them find reasonably cheap tickets and nice, recommended hotels to stay online. However, he liked working with Sam and Matt. He usually hung out at their house after work, so he didn’t have to spend that much time alone at his place. He had thought about asking Matt to move in with him before, but he wasn’t ready yet to share the house with someone else.

Anyway, he still had his job at the public pool, which he really enjoyed. However, it was closer to Matt’s house than his own, so he had to take a few buses to get there. Usually, Matt picked him up to go to Dr. Holts’ lab and place, and then offered to drive him back.

As he was making his way out to the pool one day, he eyed the garage.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone in there ever since the accident. Sometimes he went to look for tools to use for his projects, but he didn’t really go if he didn’t really have to.

Shiro had grown used to the bus he took to uni and to most places, but Colorado wasn’t exactly small. To get to most places, you really needed a car. That’s why Haruto had bought him that truck in the first place. He always encouraged exercise and walking, but you never knew when you needed to go somewhere fast. Plus, you also never know with public transport.

When he got back that evening, he got into the garage and looked at his truck. It wasn’t completely destroyed. The glass, however, had shattered completely, so it was as though it had never been there. It had a lot of scratches, though, and the paint had faded a little. The hood was in bad shape, and the passenger’s door had gotten lost somewhere on the ditch. His heart started pounding really fast, so he looked away, got out of the garage and didn’t look back.

He had Friday off, so he and Allura decided to go downtown. They had a little routine where they would go through book shops and gadget stores for hours, before they settled on a diner where they served the best mac n’ cheese and corndogs Shiro had ever tasted. Plus they also had this distinct Colombian coffee that was not served in any other place they had gone to in Colorado.

“I wouldn’t have taken Coran as a greedy guy.” Shiro said as he finished the last of his mac n’ cheese.

“That’s what I said before I went into his living room and found an ice statue of himself.” Allura bit into her veggie burger. She put a one of the fingers of the hand she was holding the burger up and covered her mouth with the other hand until she swallowed the food. “I just stood staring at it, not sure if I had to run out the door or have a laughing fit right in front of him.”

“Maybe it’s some sort of mid-life crisis,” Shiro smiled at the waitress, a lady in her 40’s who always treated them as if they were her children ever since they had found them place on their first year. “Isn’t his birthday coming soon?”

“I think that would be the only explanation,” Allura sipped her coffee, “but also Coran is Coran.”

He smiled at that. Shiro and Allura became friends only after a few weeks into their first year of university. He didn’t exactly go in with high expectations of making and, mostly, keeping friends. After his grandfather had passed, he had barely kept in touch with his high school friends. Eventually they gave up on trying to contact him. Except Matt, who resisted each and every attempt of being pushed away.

He had most of the classes with Allura. She was one of the most intelligent people Shiro had ever known. He had been struggling at first with the engineering project’s course, so he decided to approach Allura to see if she could clarify some things for him. They realized they picked each other’s brain really well, so they decided to become partners during the entire semester. Lotor often made misogynist remarks during classes, especially whenever Allura scored above him, but he stopped because she always gave the wittiest, smartest remarks.

When they started going to parties with Matt, who had spiritually done a backflip the first time he had met Allura (who mercifully showed no interest –which Matt respected), Shiro usually pretended to be Allura’s tall, bulky boyfriend so fuckboys would leave her alone.

“Don’t get any ideas, my man.” She’d say.

“I am very gay, Allura.” He’d answer.

“Well, no shit.”

And that was that on that.

He met Coran after that. He was the closest person Allura had to a father, and she always visited him on the weekends. She had introduced him to Shiro, Matt and Hunk, and they all always had a great time hanging out with him. He was an inventor and was always creating the strangest things, which triggered Matt’s curiosity and inspired him to go outside the box while creating, himself.

“So, I never asked.” Shiro grabbed his coffee and raised an eyebrow at Allura. “Lance, huh?”

They hadn’t spoken properly about the party. He had remained on the balcony for a while before Matt called him.

“What about it?” She said and closed her eyes while realizing that the warmth on her cheeks gave her completely away.

Shiro sipped his coffee and continued staring, unbothered.

Allura sighed.

“We spoke a lot at the party. I thought he was a little too _out there_ for me, you know?” She rolled her eyes with a smile. “But, I don’t know… You know when you can feel a person is genuinely nice?”

Shiro paused before, slowly, nodding.

“I don’t know. I…” She started playing with her spoon, and looked at him. “Shiro… Can we talk about something?”

He put his coffee down. “Always. If you feel comfortable.”

“Of course.” She sighed. “It’s about, you know, soulmate marks.”

Even though soulmate marks were of general knowledge, it was generally a very personal thing. People usually tended to cover it with clothing and rarely ever mentioned it. The idea was that running into your soulmate would be the smoothest process possible. Some people, however, were really confident about them and flaunted them proudly on their skin. Not that it made the whole process much quicker. It was, though, a big deal for people. Like a lottery ticket you had to keep safe and sound.

Shiro tried not to seem too uncomfortable as he shifted on his chair. He didn’t want to let the topic bother him, it was about Allura after all.

“Did yours turn?” He asked, carefully.

“No, it didn’t. I just have been thinking a lot about it.” She bit her lip as she considered. “I haven’t really been in a lot of relationships, and I think one of the reasons they have ended is because I have always been really a little scared.”

“As in, what if they are not your soulmate?”

“And also, what if they are?” She sighed. “You know, I think the concept of it is wonderful. It gives you the comfort in knowing there is someone out there who you are connected to, on a deeper level than anything in the entire universe.

“But I also think it’s nerve-wracking. Being constantly hyper aware of every single word that is said around you. Plus, I think it also hinders you from knowing really great people, who, even if it’s not soulmate level, could make you really happy. Maybe not forever, but they could.”

Shiro looked at the ceiling of the diner. He had also thought about the same things, that’s why he had tried to date different people. But he always felt like something was missing, that something bothered him, even if one of them could have, potentially, been his soulmate. Maybe it was the idea that he wouldn’t know for sure unless the other person’s words went blank. Or even that his match wouldn’t be reciprocated.

Besides, the possibility of knowing had been taken away from him, and that it had been, partly, his fault. The idea of it just had too much baggage. The absence of those words spoke oceans into his head. It was just too much.

He knew Allura was right. The idea of having soulmates could make you feel like you didn’t have any options, like you didn’t have control over your life. It could blind you and bind you only to a single idea of what you think your life could be like, when there should be more. So much more.

Nonetheless, maybe having no control was what made it so remarkable. That’s how his grandfather made it seem when he talked about the bonds.

But he wasn’t ready to talk about that. Not yet.

So he looked down at his mug, then at Allura and gave her a smile. “Then you should go for it.”

Allura held his gaze. “Do you really think so?”

He traced the pattern of the mug with his metallic fingers. “There are many burdens people can carry, you know, and I really, truly think ‘what ifs’ should be the least of them.”

She looked at him, as though she was seeing an entirely different person, a new person. She reached for his hand with hers and smiled. “Thank you.”

And he knew it wasn’t only for listening to her.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “So. Lance McClain. Sophomore. What are we gonna do about him?”

She gave him a big smile. “I’ll think of a few things.”

The following Monday after getting home from work on an overcrowded bus and after thinking about his conversation with Allura, Shiro decided to go back to the garage. It was still clear outside, so the last rays of sunshine entered through the door’s small upper windows. He sat on top of one of the working tables, crossed his arms and looked at his truck.

After the accident he had the opportunity to fix it right away, but he had been a traumatized kid who was just starting to learn how to live without the only person he had had for the majority of his life. He had really meant to eventually fix it, but he was afraid. Sometimes he would get these flashbacks, snippets of what happened that night. But more than seeing the scenes on his head, he felt them. And it was one second and then it would leave him dazzled, stupefied and unable to move for a bit. He didn’t know if it came from his guts and paralyzed his brain or the other way around. He knew he needed to navigate through those memories and turn them into something he could deal with properly, but he kept pushing the date, kept thinking he was just not ready.

But he had to start somewhere.

Besides the obvious reactions seeing his truck like that brought to him, it also upset him to think that it had been a gift from Haruto. Despite it all, it deserved to be taken care of.

Plus, Shiro really wouldn’t have minded to never take the bus to work again.

And so, he let out a deep breath and took his phone out.

He googled for cheap, recommendable mechanic’s shops nearby. He called some around Boulder but they wouldn’t pick up his truck from home and Shiro had no way to take it anywhere that week. He eventually found the number of a shop that was actually close to the public pool. He called and the owner offered to pick up his truck that same night at a decent prize so he agreed.

Shiro had just finished eating dinner when he heard the bell ring. He opened the door to find a tall man with broad shoulders and strong eyebrows. He was wearing deep blue coveralls and a cap that read “Marmora’s”. He was taller than Shiro for, at least, three in inches and exuded the energy of someone who could smash you as a mosquito and sit with you at bar at 3 a.m. listening to your shitty rants while giving you real, solid advice.

“Takashi Shirogane?”

“That’d be me.” Shiro offered his hand, “You must be Kolivan.”

Kolivan gave him a single nod and shook his hand confidently.

“Thank you for coming at such short notice.” He said as he started making his way towards the garage. “Over here.”

“Ah, no worries, kid. A client cancelled just before we talked, so you called at the right time. Now, let’s assess the damage.”

Shiro opened the door and let Kolivan walk in.

There it was, his ’97 black Ford F250. Shiro felt a tug at his stomach, now seeing the truck through a new person’s eyes, considering what the other may be thinking. The only other person who had seen the car after the accident was Matt. After seeing the others’ face, now every time he needed something from the garage, he would try to get it before Matt came over.

He saw as Kolivan inspected the truck, going over and touching it at calculated spots. Shiro expected some sort of comment on the source of the damage. After a while, though, Kolivan just looked at him with a looped smile and said, “Don’t worry, kid. I’ve got just the right guy to fix this beauty up.”

Shiro breathed out a big amount of air. “That- that’s great. I was told the damage could be fixed, but since it’s been so long I thought that maybe its time had run out.”

“I mean, if you had left it a couple months more the block would have not been saved. Overall, it’s not completely damaged, but there are some details that need to be carefully sealed, replaced and worked through.” Kolivan pointed at some parts of the engine Shiro wasn’t quite sure what they were called. “Thankfully, one of my mechanics excels on this type of work and I can assure you he won’t rest until the broken parts come to life again.”

Over the anxiety that rested at the bottom of Shiro’s stomach bloomed a veil of relief at that. “Ah, I’m really glad to hear that. Do you know how long it will take?”

“I’d say minimum three weeks.” He crossed his arms.” You can come to the shop in the next few days. My mechanic will inspect the car tomorrow morning, so he’ll be ready to give you a detailed assessment right after that. And you’re welcome to go see the progress whenever you want to.”

After that they talked a little about Kolivan’s shop, how he had started it from the ground up after moving to the States. Just like Shiro, he had emigrated from another country trying to find a better life in there. They talked about their experiences with racism, cultural shock and language barriers for a long time until Kolivan had to leave. The conversation made Shiro feel a little more at peace with trusting his truck to this stranger, even if he was not the only who would actually repair it. He felt that if Kolivan trusted someone, then it had to mean something. 

  
  
“I’m completely and utterly in love.”

“Six.”

“Huh?” Matt said as he flinged himself towards Shiro’s sofa. Shiro had invited him for lunch and they had just finished the Mexican food they ordered.

Shiro sat on the sofa opposite Matt and stared at the ceiling. “Those are the times I’ve heard you pronounce those same exact words since I’ve known you.”

“Those times were meaningless. I was just a kid, just a simple bo- Ouch! Don’t throw cushions at me!”

Shiro dramatically rolled his eyes. Matt smiled and immediately seemed to be lost in thought. Shiro recognized that face immediately. It was the same face Allura had had when they were talking about Lance.

“You mean it, though, huh?”

“Would it be too crazy to say I might?” Matt moved to rest his head on the sofa’s arm. “I mean, we’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks, you know? But I feel this tug, this pull that is telling me that this is something different.”

Something in Matt’s eyes was different too, which was something that surprised Shiro.

“Have you… talked about this with her?”

“No. At least, not yet. The last thing I want to do is to scare her off when we’ve just started dating. Or even give each other false hope of being each other’s… you know.”

Shiro pressed his lips and nodded.

“I get that.” He smiled at him. “You look happy, though.”

Matt gave him a smile back. “I am happy, man. It feels really good to connect with someone. Romantically speaking, though, because you know you’re my number one in that, boo- NO MORE CUSHIONS, SHIROGANE.”

Shiro laughed and protected himself as Matt retaliated.

“Aaaanyway, I’m just going to enjoy it day by day. I think that’s the best option I have.”

Shiro chuckled remembering his conversation with Allura. He thought it was funny how everything was coming together for his friends.

“I agree. I’m happy for you, man.”

“Thanks, my guy.” Matt regarded him. Shiro saw as he calculated his words. “What about you? Anything… new lately? I feel like I always talk about myself.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow.

“That you do, Matthew. OKAY NO MORE CUSHIONS, WE’RE EVEN.” He straightened his posture. “Nah, in that aspect, you know I don’t have time.”

Matt drew his lips together and nodded slowly, seeing right through Shiro’s bullshit.

After a while of silence he said, “I sent the car to the mechanics.”

Matt looked up immediately at that, knowing the weight of those words.

“Shiro.”

“I just thought it was time.” He cleared his throat. “It’s not fair to rely on your car all the time, and public transportation can really fucking suck.”

“You know I’ve never minded.”

“Still.” He gave a bitter smile. “Plus, it was a gift. I just have to take better care of it this time.”

“Shiro.” Matt reprimanded, but didn’t know how to go on. He had always been there for Shiro, but also knew when to push and when not to. So he gave him a genuine smile. “That’s really huge.”

Shiro returned the smile. “Thank you.”

He realized how some weight was lifted off his shoulders. He knew he had given a step, maybe a small one, but he had given it anyway. Matt acknowledging that made Shiro feel validated and really grateful that he had his friend to share that with.

Before he could say something to change the subject, a notification appeared on both his phone and Matt’s.

“Ooof, party at Allura’s this Friday, huh?”

He raised an eyebrow. “She hasn’t done anything big at her place in years.”

“I wonder what must have encouraged her.”

“Probably not a blue eyed, brown haired third year.”

“Absolutely not. Our Allura? Never.”

After that, they played Life is Strange for a while before Shiro had to leave to the public pool.

Matt had invited him over for pizza at his place after his shift. However, his boss decided to have the kids’ pool cleaned that evening, sending everyone home earlier that day. Shiro sat a café to read for a while, before noticing a “Marmora’s” sign on the opposite street. He quickly put his book away and made his way towards the shop. He had meant to go there the following day, not wanting to bother nor pressure the mechanic, but if Kolivan said he just needed a morning to properly assess the damage, then Shiro would trust his word. Plus, he had a lot of time to kill before Matt was home.

The door’s bell rang as Shiro made his way into the small reception area. Just as he made his way over the counter, he saw Kolivan coming out from a back door.

“Kiddo! Thought I wouldn’t see you until a coupla’ days more.” They shook hands familiarly.

“I work at the public pool just around the block and I got off early. I hope today’s a good day to have shown up.”

“I’m actually once again surprised of your good timing. K just came back from lunch.” He gestured towards the back door. “Over here, let me introduce ya.”

Shiro followed Kolivan over towards the shop’s garage. There was a guy with a long braid and tattoos fixing up a bike next to a wall filled with tools ordered symmetrically. Opposite to that was a woman with a purple mullet fixing up what seemed to be an engine as big as his torso. She raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a nod, which he reciprocated. At the very end of the garage was his truck.

The doors were taken out and placed resting by the wall. The remaining glass was taken out and nowhere in sight. The hood was open as if someone had just been working in there but there was no one else in sight. Shiro was surprised at seeing his car bare like that, but even more so at the amount of work that had been done to it in less than a day.

At seeing Shiro’s face, Kolivan gave him a smile. “Yeah, that’s how he works. Keith, you over there?”

Shiro didn’t even have time to synapsis his way into associating the name because a black haired mullet man appeared from the lower back of the car. He turned to clean the dust off his coveralls giving them his back. “The owner here?”

Shiro tried really hard not to laugh when Keith turned around and saw him standing there, eyes wide, face red under a few stripes of oil. His surprise was evident only for a few seconds before he managed to regain his cool. “Shiro.”

“Keith.”

Shiro knew he was going to see Keith again, especially with Allura and Matt being smitten with two of his friends. He thought he would have time, though, to think of how to react. He reminded himself that it wasn’t a big deal, but he also remembered how Keith had left that night.

“Ah, great! You know each other. Keith will give you the detail assessment. Now I gotta run to the reception.” Kolivan tapped his shoulder and left instantly.

They stood there, awkwardly facing each other.

In the day light, Keith eyes stared at him in an intense dark-ish blue. His hair was a little messy from work, and the coverall that was a little too big for him, still suited him as Shiro thought anything would really suit him. It was little open by the chest, and he could see the beginning of a tattoo resembling a vine forming by his collarbone.

Shiro cleared his throat.

“So, how do you see it? Kolivan told me that some parts of the engine were almost done for but that could be repaired somehow?”

Keith immediately shifted into work mode and turned towards the truck. “Externally, it can be easily worked through. There are some pieces that I’m gonna have to replace, but most of it can be fixed without having to buy additional pieces.”

He moved towards the doors.

“For example, the doors are a little melted.” He pointed at some spots, and looked at Shiro through his bangs. “With the right heat, I’m sure I can make them regain their shape. The hood, I have to replace it completely”

Shiro looked somewhere else, feeling a little chill on his right shoulder.

Keith seemed to have gotten his discomfort. “Internally, I’m gonna have to replace the charge pipe and cylinder, and rebuilt the intercooler.”

“I remember being told the distributor was done for.”

Keith gave him a little smile and Shiro held his breath. “I see how they would say that. However, I think that with a little care, and by working everything around it, it might work again.”

Shiro huffed. “That’s a relief.”

“Overall, the engine is what needs more work but, uh, that’s what I’m specialized with the most.”

Shiro crossed his arms. “So I’ve heard.”

Keith looked down and cleaned his hands with a cotton napkin.

Shiro shifted. “Anything else I need to know?”

“Uh, It's going to take from three to four weeks. You can discuss prices with Kolivan, but you have all the right to negotiate if you are dissatisfied with how I work or when the job is done. We work with complete transparency, so you can, uh, come by whenever you want to. If you want to.”

Shiro looked at him. “Would... you be comfortable with that?”

Keith looked at him puzzled. “What?”

“I don't know, Keith. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable or -”

Realization reached Keith’s eyes. “You think you would make me uncomfortable? I thought I would make you uncomfortable.”

Shiro didn’t understand anything. “Why would you make me uncomfortable?”

“It’s me who ran away like a fucking weirdo the other night. I thought… I don’t know. I certainly left an awful impression.”

“Well, you’re saying that to the person you sort of ran away from.”

Shiro often thought of the way people might see him, even if he tried not to. Some people loved him without even knowing him. He wouldn't be surprised if someone saw through all of that and decided he was a threat. Scarred body, scarred person. When he had first met Keith he didn't even think about that. Now he just didn't know.

He cleared his throat. “I mean, I thought something must have happened to you personally, but when you first saw me just now, I…”

“No, no. It really, really wasn’t you. Really.”

“You okay, though? That was the fastest sprint I’ve seen since Matt tried to pet my neighbor’s cat.”

Keith laughed at that, his laughter warm, smooth as velvet. He felt his stomach untangle.

“Well,” He put one of his hands to the back of his neck and then immediately moved it to run his fingers through his hair. He looked down. “I guess I’ll see about that.”

Shiro nodded, knowing when something was too personal. 

A notification went off on his phone right then. When he took it he saw it was a pizza emoji from Matt.

“Um, I have to go now.” He shifted and looked at Keith. “I’m glad we cleared that whole thing up.”

Keith huffed. “Trust me, same here. As I said before, you can come by whenever you want to check on your car. I’ll be here. Well, obviously, huh. I just mean-”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. 

“Sure. I’ll come by. To check.” He smiled, testing the grounds. “On the car, that is.”

He liked to think that he knew how to read signals, but he really wasn't sure with Keith. Still, he would be lying if it didn't draw his attention to see a guy as cool as Keith be awkward around him.

Keith slowly smiled at him back, a glint of confidence emerging on his eyes. “Sure, on the car.”

Shiro held his gaze for a few seconds to then wave him a little goodbye and started walking towards the reception.

“Shiro?” He looked back to see Keith as he leaned casually on the wall. “See you on Friday.”

Something that felt like excitement boiled at the bottom of his stomach.


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me a hundred years to upload and i'm sorry! was kinda busy graduating university and shit but here it goes!

Friday had come by sooner than Shiro expected.

That day, he had been asked to take an early shift at the pool. He didn’t really mind because he loved working with the elderly people that went to his classes. Teaching them how to swim reminded him of when Haruto taught him skills that, though they seemed small, were incredibly useful and gave him more than he’d thought in the beginning.

He liked the idea of helping people achieve something. Even if it only was to float or to go underwater without covering their nose. Everything, no matter how small, was an achievement, and he loved being a part of that.

Sometimes, after the class had ended, they would stop him to thank him for helping them feel like they could still do something with their bodies and with their minds. They would tell him about their lives, how they felt like they were burdens to their families, and that they no longer had purpose on this earth. But that swimming classes helped them feel, at least a tiny bit, more alive. Shiro, chest as heavy as a planet, would tell them that it was all them who made the effort, who were brave enough to continue trying and trying and trying. And it was true.

He knew how it felt to feel helpless with your own body, but he could only imagine the limitations that getting older could bring to you and, especially, how they could affect the people around you.

They didn’t know that it was them, in the end, who helped him.

After the class and before going out for lunch, he stayed in the pool for a while, swimming, floating. Not thinking about anything and just feeling the water underneath, over, on him. He stretched his limbs and looked at the glass ceiling of the place. He liked to think winter was more of his aesthetic but, truly, he loved summer. Barely a cloud in sight. He marveled at the intensely blue Colorado sky and the shining sun and felt how it recharged him. He focused on the sun light and the water on his skin, nothing else was there. Nothing else.

Afterwards, he walked towards the same café he had visited the other day to check if there were any other stores nearby where he could eat any lunch that didn’t consist of pizza or mac and cheese as it had been his diet for the past week and a half.

As he passed the café, he ran his fingers through his wet hair and, sneakily, glanced at the opposite street. The Marmora’s that read on the top of the place was small and not striking in the slightest but, still, it didn’t take long for Shiro to locate the shop. Nothing had changed, however, he still felt a little weird walking so close to it.

He considered going in to check on the car but he had only gone a few days before and didn’t want to seem too pushy, especially since he had cleared the air with Keith. It didn’t matter that both Kolivan and Keith had insisted, he still felt strange with the whole thing. He knew he had taken a big step by sending the car to the mechanics, but after seeing it being dissected the other day it had left him feeling a little uneasy. He hadn’t really thought of the steps that would follow after that.

Shiro frowned and noticed the thoughts becoming too much for him to handle. He couldn’t stand that feeling. Not then. And so he blinked and continued walking through the street.

He ended up grabbing a sandwich to go, which he ate at the bus stop since the bus took ages to pass by. When it finally arrived, after about forty minutes, Shiro barely managed to get in because of the amount of people that were inside. He held onto his bag with one hand and used the other to try to keep himself from falling. He was twenty minutes from getting to his place when he decided to get off the bus. He realized that the space he was taking could be useful for at least three other people that wanted to get in, plus a little bit of walking couldn’t hurt.

Rearranging his white shirt and putting his earphones on, he started walking. As he was walking near a lawn, a tiny black spot popped out from under some bushes. He was still a few feet away from there, so he blinked a few times and the spot was gone. Strange, he thought. Shiro’s grandpa had worn glasses, and he has a faint memory of his mother also wearing some, but he didn’t think he’d need them so soon.

But as he stepped closer, he saw the black spot clearer. A little smile betrayed his face. He stopped next to the bush, kneeled and offered his hand to the small black cat that peered at him with his big, hazel eyes. Without taking his eyes off him, the little cat, at a low pace, approached his hand to smell it. Shiro stared back at him, blinking slowly. Finally, the cat approached his face to his hand to be petted.

“Hey there, little pal.” The cat walked closer to stroke his face against Shiro’s feet and legs. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, you are a loving one. Is this your home?”

He asked looking at the house near the bushes, then back to the cat. It didn’t have any tags nor collar, but you could never be sure.

He gave the cat a smile and one last stroke before standing up. “Go home, buddy.”

He sighed and, once again, made his way home. After a few more minutes of walking, he saw a few girls who were jogging on the street near the sidewalk. They glanced at Shiro and started giggling at each other. His first instinct was to grab at his prosthetic defensively.

One of them smiled at him and looked at his side. Shiro couldn’t be more confused.

“What a pair of cuties.” One said to the other as they passed him. Shiro looked besides him and at his back but there was no one else near him. He took one earphone out and heard a soft _meow_.

He looked at his side and saw a furry small ball inside his sports bag. He stopped.

“How the hell did you even get in there?” He laughed petting it, the cat purring instantly.

Shiro sighed, and looked back. “Let’s get you home.”

When he got near the house where he had first seen the cat, he saw an old lady watering the flowers in the lawn.

“Good evening,” He called.

“Good evening, young man!” The lady turned the water off. “What can I help you with?”

“Is this your cat? I saw it on the lawn but it decided to keep me company for a while longer.” He took the small animal from his bag to show the lady.

“Ah!” She laughed. “That little rebel girl, yes.”

She approached him to pet the cat.

“My cat Linda had her about a month ago with other seven more. I’m sorry if she bothered you.”

“Not at all,” He smiled looking at the cat, while she stared back and meowed.

The lady looked between them.

“What’s your name, young man?”

He looked up. “Uh, I’m Shiro.”

“Shiro, you know, we were actually looking for someone to adopt her.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I…”

“Don’t feel obliged to, but she doesn’t really get along with many humans,” She pointed at her stroking her head against Shiro’s hip. “But it seems as though she may like you.”

It sounded as something someone would say to persuade you but, for some reason, Shiro believed the lady. Moreover, he couldn’t deny that the cat was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.

Plus, he could use some company at home.

And so, he arranged things with the lady to go and pick her up during the weekend so he could have time to buy the essentials. He didn’t usually spend money that wasn’t for food, but he thought that, this time, it was worth it.

When he got home he was smiling.

Around eight, Matt parked in front of his house to pick him.

“Hunk said he always pictured you more as a dog person,” Matt said as their made their way to Allura’s house, “But I’ve always gotten crazy cat lady vibes from you.”

Shiro threw him one of the grapes they were sharing and Matt tried to unsuccessfully catch it with his mouth.

“And then you complain about the smell in the car.”

“Matt, trust me, rotten fruit can’t compare to your car.”

When they parked near Allura’s, they grabbed the beers from the back seats and headed towards the door.

Matt quickly checked his phone and smiled. “Romelle’s already here. I can finally properly introduce ya.”

“I get an introduction? What an honor.” He pushed Matt with his hip and he pushed back. He joked around but he had to admit Matt thinking about it that way made him a little emotional. They were family after all.

When they walked in, they saw a few people gathered inside. Allura’s style wasn’t to make big, out of control things with people you hated but pretended to like. She preferred to enjoy the company of people she and her friends felt comfortable with. They hadn’t done any important gatherings in a while, and in the recent, low-key ones it was, mostly, only him, Matt, Hunk and Allura, where they would drink, play Pictionary and watch Love Island.

Now, though, the living room was met with new faces. Shiro felt something tug at his stomach.

“Y’all made it!” Yelled Hunk coming out of the kitchen with Pidge by his side.

“You know, it’s not fashionable to be late anymore.” Pidge feigned annoyance and took the beer from his hands.

“That’d be my fault.” Shiro ran his fingers through his hair. “Got caught setting some things up in the house.”

“Oh, yeah! For the cat, right?” Allura approached to welcome them. “You know you didn’t have to bring anything, guys.”

“You know it’s not a problem.”

“Did someone mention a cat?!” It didn’t take long for Shiro to realize who was talking. The man approached and stayed on Allura’s side.

“You guys remember Lance.” She smirked and shared a look with them.

“Shiiiiiiiro! Matt! My men!”

“Cooooorse we do. Sup, Lance.” Matt greeted him and wiggled his eyebrows at Allura. “If you excuse me, I gotta let this box somewhere since my sister only helped one of us out here. Glad to know who’s the favorite.”

“Can’t complain about that.” Shiro smiled, definitely not looking towards the rest of the house.

“Oh! Let me help you with that.” Lance took the box and carried it to the fridge in a beat.

Matt laughed, put his hands on his hips and nodded at Allura. “*What* a gentleman! You know, Allura? I approve.”

Though she was smiling, she rolled her eyes. “Because of course I needed your approval.”

They approached the table where Romelle was busy setting up some snacks. Matt practically floated on his way there.

“Matt!”

“Rom!” Matt hugged her and gave her a quick kiss. Shiro had seen her before but had never had the opportunity to really talk to her. She was tall, had long golden hair and a resolute, almost older, look in her eyes, which turned completely sweet and tender as she saw Matt.

Shiro immediately knew there was something different about them.

“Come on! You saw each other like four hours ago!” Hunk groaned in the back.

“Shut up, boomer! Rom!” He said turning to Shiro. “This is Shiro. Shiro, this is Rom. You’re from now on competitors for my undying love and affection. Who will have my attention? This can only be resolved with a sword fight.”

Instantly, both Romelle and Shiro shared a look of acknowledgement, which made him instantly like her.

“A pleasure, Rom.” He said shaking her hand. “You can keep him by the way.”

“Hey!”

“Pleasure’s mine, Shiro. And don’t worry, we can have shared custody.” He smiled and she immediately raised on of her eyebrows. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Shiro looked over at his friend.

She smiled privately. “And not only from Matt.”

Just as she said that, Keith appeared from the corner where the table was set, which was the corridor that led to the bathroom.

He was wearing black jeans with a matching, tight, black t-shirt. A chain with a small silver dagger was hanging from his neck, where a hint of the tattoo Shiro had noticed days before could also be seen. The vines from the tattoo also came out from his right short sleeve, where he noticed a few roses forming as well. Shiro couldn’t blame himself for noticing how the shirt made Keith’s biceps stand out and how they made the tattoo look incredibly good.

He cleared his throat.

“Hey.” Keith smiled.

“Hey,” He felt himself smiling back while he offered his hand to shake, “You came.”

Keith grabbed his hand and shook it firmly, smile still on his face. “Told you I’d see you, didn’t I?”

He had, and Shiro might have been sort of anticipating it.

“Hey, you’re Keith, right?” Matt greeted him. “You used to hang out a lot with Katie. We never run into each other anymore!”

Keith nodded and shook his hand. “Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy lately.”

“And this is the Keith I’ve told you about who is also my best friend.” Romelle said.

“Look at how small the world is. Speaking of, this is my best friend Shiro,” He laid his hand on the top of the table, and looked at Shiro with an eyebrow raised. “But I feel like you already knew that.”

Shiro pushed him discreetly with his arm.

“We actually met at Romelle’s party.” He gave Keith a look. “He’s also the one fixing my car.”

“Oh, you sent your car to Marmora’s?”

“I thought I told you I sent it to a place near yours’. You know them?”

“I only know a bit from Katie. What is up with these coincidences?”

Romelle smiled.

Shiro looked at Keith again, who had his hand on the back on his neck. He thought about how he had all the means to meeting him long before but he never did.

Shiro saw as Keith was beginning to tell him something but he was interrupted with a loud, “Here, here, here, who wants a few beers? Hey! I made it rhyme!”

“Yeah, yeah, just set them on top of the table,” Pidge showed up with a few glasses and snacks. “Keith, would you help me wit- oh.”

Lance set the beers on the table and turned around to look at both Shiro and Keith. “Hey heeey. Perfect timing, I see. Shiro, my buddy, have you met Keith?”

Both Pidge and Romelle put their palm on their faces.

Keith rolled his eyes.

Before he began again, Allura arrived next to them, “I’m glad you’re all here today. Help yourselves with anything you like!”

She held Lance’s arm with her hand. “Lance, would you help me fix the freezer? I think it broke down.”

“I- I, yeah! Of course! I’ll have it fixed in a matter of seconds!”

Shiro smiled at the both of them leaving towards the kitchen as Allura turned a little to give him a secretive smile.

Everyone started chatting and moving towards the food. Shiro got caught into a conversation with a few of his own classmates and other students from younger generations. He hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to that many people at Romelle’s since he ran into Lotor and then spent his remaining time at the party with Keith, but he enjoyed the conversations that were forming.

He noticed how some people were nervous to approach him, but he set his mind to just enjoy himself and spend time with his friends. He owed no one to seem approachable. However, he realized how some other people he had never talked to were more eager to spend time with him after chatting for a while. He didn’t know what to think of it.

Even though he had been enjoying the night, his social battery had run out pretty quickly and all he wanted was to step out for a bit. So he grabbed some dirty cups as an excuse and went into the kitchen.

He was setting the cups on the sink when he heard, “Not a fan of crowds, I assume.”

Truth is, Shiro had been wanting to talk to him all night, but it never seemed the right moment, the right time. Every time he wanted to make his way to him he either couldn’t find him or he was intercepted by someone he knew.

But there he was now.

He smiled, turned around and crossed his arms. “I think I could probably say the same about you.”

Keith put his hands on his pockets and leaned against the wall. “Touché.”

Then, he came closer, grabbed a kitchen towel and started drying the cups that were already clean. Shiro looked at him, let the water loose, started cleaning the cups he had left and gave them to Keith so he could dry them.

The sound of the water and having something to do really soothed him. He glanced beside him from time to time, to see how concentrated Keith looked. He smiled a little, then saw how Keith was turning his head and faced the water again. After faking being super focused on the water running he stole a glance again to see Keith turning his face from him back to the cups. He had a little smile on his face too.

Shiro cleared his throat. “Not to kill the moment with small talk, but would you mind if I asked you something?”

Keith seemed quiet for a bit. Shiro felt how Keith discreetly glanced at him. “Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you worked long at Marmora’s?” Shiro passed him the last cup and closed the water tap.

“Uh, yeah, well, since mom married Kolivan a few years ago.” He put the cup where all the clean ones were gathered.

“Oh, is it like a family business?” Shiro cleaned his hands and faced him.

Keith smiled. “Yeah, you could say that. Why do you ask?”

Shiro touched the tip of his nose in thought, realized that he was doing it and put it back on the counter. “I hope you know I don’t say things just because, but I wouldn’t have given my car to anyone. Kolivan seems like a great person.”

Keith leaned against the counter. “He really is. I was a bit of a pain in the ass to him for years, but he’s the closest thing I have to a father. Plus, he’s good to my mom and that’s all I could ask.”

He straightened up a little and cleared his throat.

“Anyway, you can trust us with your car. I’ll properly take care of it.”

Shiro smiled and nodded.

“Do you go to the gym near the shop? You went the other day with wet hair, so…”

“Oh, no. I work at the local pool during the week. I actually live in Thornton.”

“Oh, that pool’s massive.”

“Yeah, have you been there? Matt and I used to frequent it all the time when we were younger.”

“Ehhh…” Keith covered half of his face with one hand. Shiro felt the strange urge to reach out too. “I used to break in at night when I was in high school.”

An actual cackle left Shiro’s throat. “What?!”

“Yeah… don’t tell your bosses.”

“So that’s why they put those cameras back then.”

Shiro put his hand on his mouth to stop himself from laughing, though he couldn’t, and Keith joined him too.

“They have it all very closed off, how did you even get in?”

Keith gave him a smug smile, “I had my ways.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I’m interested. Uh, don’t tell my boss I said that.”

Keith’s smile softened as he carelessly started touching the back of his head again. Shiro got the chance to steal a glance of his tattoo again. Keith caught him looking, and Shiro held his gaze. He wanted to ask about it but he felt like intruding. Maybe another time.

Keith opened his mouth to say something when Matt appeared, “Shiro? There you- Ohhh, am I interrupting something?”

Shiro rolled his eyes and threw him a plastic cup. “What’s up, Matt?”

“A-ha!” Matt caught it in the air before it reached him. “Grumpy cat man, we’re playing _Just Dance!_ So y’all can come join us!”

He looked at Keith and raised his eyebrows, to what Keith responded with a little nod, so they started walking out of the kitchen.

When Keith ran into Romelle, Matt quickly set Shiro aside.

“Hey, so, Keith, huh?”

Shiro took a bear can from the table and calmly opened it. “What about him?”

“Nooothing, nothing, just… he seems pretty cool, don’t you think?”

Shiro smiled nonchalantly, “If you want me to get you his number, I wouldn’t, man, Romelle seems super ni- don’t hit me!”

“You know what I mean, punk.” He leaned on a couch. “He’s looking at you right now.”

Shiro felt his neck and ears burn a little.

“Shup up, he’s… he’s not.” He gave a little swing to check. “See? He’s not.”

“That’s because that was the least discreet thing ever. Shiro.”

He drank from his beer. “Matt. We’ve seen each other around two times. I barely know the guy, can you please knock it off?”

“Fine, fine.” Matt regarded him for a while and smiled. “But it’s just…”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“… Never mind.” He moved his head and pushed Shiro. “Let’s join the fun.”

As they saw how Lance tried his best to win the round, they joined Keith and Romelle. Shiro saw that Allura was laughing hysterically next to Pidge and gave Matt a look which he returned with an eye roll and a smile.

“The pair rounds are about to start!” Pidge shouted. “If any of you can beat Hunk and I, he’ll cook for you all weekend!”

“Pidge! Don’t listen to her, that’s not true.”

Romelle looked at Matt with a defiant smile which he returned. “Shall we go kick ass?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” He looked at Shiro. “Sorry, bud. This is a friends to enemies trope right here and you’re not at all lonely over there so we’re gonna kick y’alls asses.”

Shiro put his hands on his hips and looked at Keith.

“How are you at dancing?”

“Shit. What about you?”

“Shit,” He gave him a challenging smile, “But I don’t like losing.”

Keith reciprocated it. “Me neither.”

They started the round and it was the most fun Shiro had had in a long time. Pidge and Hunk were, with no doubt, killing it since Hunk owned the game and they used to play it pretty often. Lance and Allura could have followed their step if they hadn’t been so busy having fun dancing with the other. Matt and Romelle were also laughing non-stop and having a great time, which was no different when Keith and Shiro started their round.

Shiro did his best, considering he hadn’t danced in a very long time. He moved as best as he could following the movements on the screen. He looked at Keith beside him. He was also focusing on the screen, with his face a little red from the cardio. As if feeling watched, he looked at Shiro and laughed and Shiro laughed and they both started laughing and dancing and moving as best as they could. And suddenly it became hard to concentrate on the game.

Even though they thought they were shitty, they still almost win the round, which left poor Hunk in cold sweat.

They sat close to each other watching other people dance, sharing commentary, joking around and drinking beer. Shiro couldn’t help it and stole glances from time to time, to see how Keith reacted to things, to catch him laughing or smiling. His heart felt full, but he did not want to think too much about it. Not then, at least. He was having a good time.

When it was a little past midnight, Shiro saw Keith look at his clock.

“I,” He let out a breath. “I have to go.”

“Very Cinderella of you.”

“I could say it’s sort of my brand now, huh?”

Shiro laughed. “Sort of. Everything okay, though?”

“Yeah, I just have a very early shift.”

Shiro stood up with him. “Kick me if I sound patronizing, but do you feel okay to go?”

Keith put on his leather jacket and smiled at him. “No need. To kick you, that is. Pidge is actually giving me a ride.”

He pointed with his face to where Pidge was near the door, giving them a grin while holding her car keys on her fingers. Pidge didn’t like to drink so Shiro was sure they’d be okay.

So he stood there in front of Keith, and Keith stood there in front of him.

Shiro arranged his shirt. “Hey so,”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have your number? You know, if you’d like to meet up some time… to break into pools or something.”

Keith ran his fingers through his black hair as Shiro saw how he tried not to laugh.

“Or for you to keep me updated on the car.”

“Sure, the car.” Keith took his phone out of his pocket, typed something on it and gave it to Shiro. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

He took Keith’s phone and gave his’ to Keith. He wrote his number on it and then they switched again.

As Keith gave him back his phone he offered his hand. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

He firmly shook it back, suppressing a grin. “Count on it.”

Shiro found himself standing there, looking, even after the door had closed.

He couldn’t blame himself for being so stupefied, the guy was incredibly handsome. But that wasn’t everything. It wasn’t often that someone could draw Shiro’s attention like that before. Someone who was sort of a magnet, that made Shiro want to be in his orbit all the freaking time. He knew that was kind of weird since they barely knew each other.

Moreover, he also knew that there was no use getting to know Keith in that way, looking for something more, because he was still haunted by many things from his past. It hadn’t been fair for any of his ex-partners and it could end up being the same way with his potential, future ones.

He was aware that Keith had also set his eye on Shiro. He wasn’t oblivious or, at least, that oblivious. But he knew he was going to end up hindering Keith one way or another. He was just going to be wasting his time, just being a stepping stone in the middle of his path. Maybe not, but he did not want to try his luck. Plus, Keith, as most people, probably had his soulmate waiting for him, and Shiro could bet that they were someone way better than the mess that he was.

However, he still felt the need to see him again. To talk to him. Shiro figured he would be happy by just being his friend. He could deal with that if he had to. Something told him it would be worth it.

He quickly shook his head and saw as something caught his eye from his peripheral view. When he turned, it was Matt giving him thumbs up. He smiled, rolled his eyes and went back to his friends.


	4. Chapter IV

“She’s got all her vaccines, so you shouldn’t worry about them until she turns a year.” 

Shiro was sitting on a small pastel pink couch, surrounded by five cats carefully smelling him and assessing him, his new black kitten licking her paw on his lap.

He had brought a white cage that was then resting besides his feet, in which the big cat, Linda, tried to work her way into opening it with her claws.

Shiro had arrived early that morning to pick up the cat after, thankfully, not waking up hangover, but he had been lured into staying with tea, delicious cookies and a nice conversation.

The old lady, Carmen, as she told him to call her, offered Shiro another cookie. “No, thank you. Is there anything else I need to know? I’ve never owned a cat before. Or any animal, really.”

“Cats aren’t really that demanding.” She said as she drank from her tea cup. “Just make sure to play with her at least 20 minutes a day or she might get lonely. Give her a space to sleep, change her water, take her to regular vet checks and she’ll be happy.”

She looked at the small black dot now sleeping on Shiro’s lap. “I’m sure of that.”

At the door, with the kitty meowing on the cage, Carmen offered her goodbyes to the both of them.

“Thank you for the hundred and thirty six cookies you just fed me.”

She slightly pushed him and Shiro laughed.

“It was a delight to have you. At my age, one gets lonelier than you’d want to.” She smiled bitter-sweetly and stopped for a second to collect herself. “Don’t be a stranger, honey. Come by whenever you want.”

Something heavy tugged at his heart.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily.” He gently patted the cage. “I’ll take care of this girl, and you take care of yourself.”

She looked at him and crossed her arms. “And you take care of yourself.”

Matt had told Shiro that he would go have lunch with him at his place, so he hurried his step a little, while being careful with the cage. As he went walking, he looked at the cage to find the kitty staring back at him through the holes. That had him chuckling alone for a bit.

“You’re an attentive one, aren’t you? You don’t miss a thing.”

She kept looking at him.

“I wonder what your name could be.” He continued walking. “What about… Andromeda? Or am I being too much of a stereotypical aerospace student?”

She looked.

“I think it’d be too easy if you just nodded, right? What about… Orion?”

She kept looking.

“You’re right, you don’t strike me as an Orion. You’re attentive and picky, aren’t you, you little black dot?”

She meowed.

“Huh? Little black dot? That’s a bit long, don’t you think?”

She slightly moved her head.

“Black dot?” He thought for a second. “Black?”

She meowed once again and fell to her side. “Black, huh? Short, simple, gender-neutral. I like it. Black, it is.”

A person who was walking past him shot him and the cage a strange look, Shiro just nodded at them. “I think I might really be a crazy cat lady.”

When he got to his house, he saw that Matt’s car was already there. Whenever he got there before him, he used the keys that Shiro hid underneath the roses.

“Honey, I’m home.” He called as he closed the door with one foot, dropped his keys on the closest stand and reached to leave the cage on the living room table.

Matt then came out through the kitchen door. “Here I was thinking my husband would never return from the war.”

He gave Shiro a first bump and turned to the cage on top of the table.

Shiro went into the kitchen to wet his face and clean his hands, from there hearing, “Oh, you must be my dearest niece. Shit, I can’t believe I’m already an uncle.”

Then, he headed towards the cage and opened it carefully. “Hey, Black. This is your new home, I hope that’s okay with you.”

He reached for her, let her smell him, petted her head for a bit and placed her on the ground.

“Black, huh? Suits her.” Matt crossed his arms as he looked at the cat from a small distance.

Black started walking slowly, assessing her surroundings and smelling anything that reached her little nose. Shiro, then, looked for the plate he had bought the day before, put a tiny amount of wet food in it and left it near the cat’s new bed. She quickly perked up and followed the smell of the food until she found the plate and slowly began to eat.

Shiro couldn’t take the adorableness of it all. If he had been about to cry, he would never admit it. “She’s so fucking cute.”

Noticing the uncharacteristic silence, Shiro turned around. Matt had one arm crossed, and the other upwards, with his hand on his mouth, thumb against his upper lip and eyes lost somewhere else.

“Matt?”

Matt sighed, moved his hand from his mouth to the back of one of the chairs and pushed it gently. He had a very strange energy to him, something different that Shiro couldn’t recognize, which was odd considering that they had gone through most shit together.

“You’re scaring me, man.”

Matt looked at him, sighed and lifted his shirt. Right on the left side of his hip there were the words: **_It’s called kaleidoscope_**_._ They were bold.

“They turned.” Matt whispered. He looked at him, eyes big and vulnerable. A sweet, small smile on his face. “The words, my words. They turned.”

Matt had shown his words to Shiro when they were young, and Shiro had always liked them. They were simple, but they had their own personality. They had also taught the both of them how to spell kaleidoscope. Matt was happy because he said that whoever could pronounce kaleidoscope had to be the smartest person in the world. They were young, they were excited, and they were hopeful for their future and their destiny. But now it was real, tangible. Now, Shiro was seeing how the words of one of the most important people to him had turned. It was huge, it was emotional, and it was heavy.

Trying to push the heaviness aside, he touched his head and gave his friend his most sincere of smiles.

Matt told Shiro how they had gone back to Romelle’s the night before after the party. He hadn’t been thinking about it, but then, when Matt was looking around her room, he found it. His first thought was _how funny_, until it clicked. He stared at it for so long and in such a puzzled way that Romelle laughed, grabbed it from his hands and said, _it’s called kaleidoscope, if you’re wondering. _

He instantly felt the burn on his hip, like when you touch the stove quickly without meaning to. It was indeed a little painful, for just a moment, but it had been so bizarre that Matt just grabbed his hip and started laughing. When Romelle asked what the hell was wrong, he said _holy mcchicken dolly. _With that she jumped backwards, fell on her ass, took off her right shoe and sock, to see the mark that was one her foot with those exact words. Matt raised his shirt and they just started laughing hysterically. _Of course it would be you, _Romelle had said, _who else would pronounce that combination of words in this planet._

“Holy mcchicken dolly?? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Shiro had his hands on his face containing the tears from his laughter.

“It was an inside joke between her and her parents for years. Apparently I’ve been making her laugh even before we knew each other.”

Shiro saw as Black slowly approached Matt on the couch he was sitting to smell his feet. He looked back at him and shook his head. “Matt. This is incredible. I… I am so fucking happy for you.”

“Thanks, Shiro.” Matt’s happiness radiated off him immensely. It was like when a Studio Ghibli character was overcome by emotion and their hair sort of floated. “I knew she was different, but to have it confirmed this way... I can’t even begin to explain the love and joy I feel.”

He bet. Shiro could bet on that.

Black started making her way to him now and pressed her head against his shoe. He smiled and reached for her to set her on his lap.

“Guess we aren’t soulmates after all, huh?” Shiro teased him, to feel a little normal in the immensity of the moment.

“Nah, bud. We are. Of course we are.”

Shiro spent the whole night after Matt had left thinking about what had happened.

It was the first time someone close to him had gotten their marks turned. It felt huge, it was huge. It was the evidence that their paths had somewhat been written for them. That the universe, the… Gods? Fortune? Energy? What-fucking-ever was out there had set them up for… something, someone. Which seemed to work, because Shiro had rarely seen Matt so elevated. So genuinely, awfully happy, and relieved. Something had changed in him. Was that the way it was supposed to be?

He remembered his conversation with Allura, and how it seemed extreme that just a person could somehow complete you. That someone else had to be your destiny. What was right, then? Did they really have that little control over their lives? Was it bad? Was it wonderful? Or was it that it just… was?

It intrigued him so bad, and he loved it, and he feared it and it pained him.

He often pushed these thoughts away immediately, because the reminder that destiny, faith and all that jittery-jazz were real was excruciatingly painful. It mean that… it meant that all the sadness he felt, all the loneliness… it meant that it was what it was. It just was what it was.

So he tried and pushed and struggled against those thoughts, late in the night. Not being quite able, not being as strong as he always was and cried, and cried and cried.

The next day Shiro woke up with a mild headache. He had forgotten to close his door the night before and woke up with a small black dot sleeping besides his head on the pillow. The mere sight gave him enough strength to get out of bed. He went to the kitchen, had a few glasses of water, changed the cat litter and poured more food and water onto Black’s plates. Shiro chuckled as the sound of the food hitting the plate had Black almost flying to the living room.

It was Sunday, so he hopped into the shower, set up his prosthetic and made himself some coffee. Then, he set up his laptop and his books on the living room coffee table to begin his study session. As he sat, he stared out of the window at the beautiful clear sky. It was a really nice day. Everything seemed electrified somehow, he still felt a little vulnerable from his… breakdown of the night before. His chest still felt a little strange, a little heavy.

He sighed and opened the computer files that had the information of all the courses he needed to be ahead of before the summer ended. As he scanned one of his books, he heard a little noise from the corner of the living room. It was Black fighting against a tiny fake mouse that hanged on a scratcher that he had bought her the other day. Her legs were on the scratcher holding on firmly as she tried to catch the mouse with her paws. It was such a ridiculous thing that Shiro broke his _no phone while studying_ rule to take a few pictures. He sent them to the group chat with his friends, which were followed by many emojis and keyboard smashes. Shiro felt like a proud father.

He contemplated the phone a little longer, then set it down on the table. Grabbed it, looked at his contacts and set it on the table again. Grabbed it again and set it down.

Shiro rolled his eyes, he was behaving like a fucking baby.

He grabbed the phone, unlocked it, pressed the contact and sent the photo.

After that he quickly locked it and threw it on the nearest couch, making Black turn her head in confusion.

“I don’t know, Black. I have no fucking clue what that was.” He said, then stilled when the phone vibrated. “Uh.”

Honestly, he had been waiting to make any contact he could with Keith. He thought that maybe Keith would text him first, but 1. It was too damn soon and 2. There was some unwritten rule said that the person who asked for the other person’s number was the one who had to make contact first. Or something.

But maybe that wasn’t the best approach. He was nervous, and he didn’t like feeling that way for a person who he had decided would be just a friend.

Plus, he could have at least added a small caption to the picture that would give Keith a clue that he hadn’t randomly sent a nude.

He groaned, pressed his fingers to his eyelids, said “Fuck it,” and went to get the phone.

_I don’t know if this photo was meant to get to me but either way that cat looks like they’re on a serious mission and I’m rooting for them, _it read.

** _It was! Sorry for not contextualizing_ **

** _Her name’s Black, we’re newly acquainted, but she’s made herself at home and is already showing off her hunting skills._ **

_As she should. I’d give her a 10 tbh_

Shiro couldn’t have contained the smile that appeared on his face even if he had been forced to.

Black, who had approached when he threw his phone, was now on his side trying to climb on top of the couch. He helped her a little and she set herself besides him, smelling the cushions. Shiro pet her head and she purred, making the cutest, funniest face. He took a picture of that and sent it to Keith with **_It’s already getting to her head. Good. _**

_Good. _

Shiro chuckled. He grabbed Black and placed her next her scratcher so she could keep playing, and sat down in front of his laptop again, phone besides him.

He tried reading the same sentence for the 10th time until he gave up and grabbed his phone again.

** _What are you up to?_ **

_Uh_

_Studying_

**_For real? _**He looked over at his own books and laptop all over his coffee table. **_Hahah, nerd._**

_I bet you’re doing the same_, he sent along with the thinking face emoji.

**_Shut up_**_. _Shiro chuckled.

After a few seconds, Keith sent him a photo of a laptop, a few notepads and a few books. Some of them the same that Shiro had on his own table, some of them different. The first thing Shiro noticed, though, was that it was sort of a selfie. Keith was almost hidden on the corner of the shot, hand supporting his face, rolled eyes and half a smile. Some of his black fringe falling on his face, the rest tied in a short ponytail. Shiro’s heart did a quick, faint summersault.

He angled his phone so he would get his laptop and books as well as his face making a pained smile and sent Keith the photo mirroring his “struggle”.

It took a while before Keith texted again.

_Would you ever like to _

_Jesus this’ll sound nerd as fuck _

_Study together?_

_I could benefit from you being ahead on the program_

_You could benefit from my refreshing insights and delightful company_

_I’m already cringing at that holy shit_

_Anyway if you’re not interested just pretend I never sent any of that crap_

_Uh but if you are_

**_I am interested_**, uh.

**_We engineers have to support each other, _**Shiro physically face palmed after sending that.

** _And I could benefit from your insight and your_ **

** _Delightful company as you said haha_ **

_Ughhhhh can we pretend I never said that_

** _Nah, it’s printed on my memory forever_ **

_Whatever. It’s true. I’m a fucking delight to be around. _He said with the emoji rolling its eyes.

** _It is true. _ **

** _Uhhh_ **

_Uhhh _

** _Uhhh_ **

_Maybe we are on the same cringe boat, Mr. Shirogane. _

** _I believe we are Mr… _ **

_Oh, Kogane. It’s_

_That’s my last name_

** _Mr. Kogane_ **

_Aaaanyway_

** _Uh yeah_ **

** _When are you free from the shop? _ **

**_Can you hang out today? _**Shiro stopped himself at that. Did it make him sound too excited? Too demanding? Too… something?

_Oh_

_I have a shift in about an hour so can’t today _

_But I have the day off on Wednesday_

** _Sure, I’m out of the pool around 5_ **

_Nice _

_There’s a café near the pool_

_On the street across Marmora’s_

_We could meet there_

** _Oh yeah I’ve been there _ **

** _And I’ll be there_ **

** _5:30, then?_ **

_Yes_

_5:30 it is_

** _Nice_ **

_Cool_

**_Great, _**he said, trying to cover his smirk with the back of his hand.

_Great_

** _You better get back to studying_ **

** _Gotta make the hour count_ **

_Hahah, yeah yeah_

_You too_

Shiro tried, he really did, but he barely concentrated on the books in front of him for what remained of the morning.


	5. Chapter V

Keith and Shiro continued texting now and then for the following two days. Keith would send Shiro funny cat posts, and Shiro would reciprocate with pictures of Black. That Sunday night Keith surprised Shiro with a photo of a beautiful ginger cat sleeping over probably the biggest dog he had ever seen. They were beautiful.

_Red and Kosmo,_ Keith sent.

** _Red, how original._ **

_Smartass._

On Tuesday, Shiro met Hunk, Matt and Allura at her place to hang out. At one point, Matt just casually dropped the fact that he and Romelle were soulmates, which had both Hunk and Allura freaking out.

“Don’t think I’m taking the weight off the situation or anything because I am incredibly happy for you.” Said Hunk, “But, like, I fucking knew it.”

Shiro smiled as his friends joked around and laughed and were happy for their friend, and at how genuinely content Matt looked.

Even if they joked, the energy in the room was different. Shiro saw as both Allura and Hunk also were a little astonished of the news. Apparently, it was also one of the first people they met who had had their marks turn bold. They shared some thoughts on the matter for a while, about the universe, about destiny. What science and religion said about it, what philosophy said about it. Shiro just listened to them.

Later on that day they put Love Island on the TV and prepared popcorn, different types of fruit and chips –wide variety for wide tastes-. Shiro was on the sofa sitting with a leg up one of the arms and the other hanging while he watched. Matt was next to Shiro sitting upside down, with his legs on the back of the sofa and his head hanging. Allura was sitting on some cushions on the floor, leaning against the couch, grabbing some grapes off the coffee table and tossing them towards Matt’s open mouth. Hunk was using the other side of the table to set his tablet as he worked on his drawings for his web-comic while he watched on and off -Shiro loved his work and, at the same time, had no idea how he managed to have time to update even during classes-.

He loved being like that with them, and how comfortable all of them were around each other. 

His phone vibrated, and he was already smiling before he unlocked it. Keith had sent him a video of a cat and a raccoon snuggling while sleeping, to what Shiro replied with crying emojis.

“Ooohhh, who are you texting? Look at that smile.” Allura said in a funny voice from where she was sitting.

“A friend.”

Hunk got up to get his phone from where he was charging it behind the couch. “A friend, huh?”

“That’s interesting because it seems like all of your friends are here.” Matt threw his legs down and sat correctly, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Shiro. “Is it Keith???”

Shiro dodged it and felt as Hunk leaned from behind him to look at his phone. “Nah, Keith doesn’t text that much.”

“Wait.” Allura jumped on the couch. “Keith as in the Keith that was here at the party on Friday? Are you talking **_talking_** to him?”

“I,” Shiro tried moving his phone away from them. “What do you even mean with talking **_talking_**? And what do you mean he doesn’t text?”

Matt moved closer to him and shoved his head between Shiro’s and the phone. “Wait, it **_is_** him!”

“Holy shit, he uses his phone?” Hunk leaned closer from the back of the couch. “He usually only sends single word answers, or two, if we are lucky, to let us know he’s alive or something.”

Allura leaned on her side of the couch. “Maybe it’s because he’s smitteeeen over someeeoneee.”

“Nah, y’all.” He tried pushing Matt and Hunk’s faces away from him and locked his phone. “That is a perfectly normal amount of texting.”

The three of them raised their eyebrows at him.

He sighed. “It’s… it’s not what you think.”

And so Hunk went back to where he had been sitting before. Matt and Allura set themselves as appropriately as they could manage on the couch.

After a while, Shiro heard Allura say. “It’s always nice to meet new people.”

“Yeah, and Keith is really, really cool, so…” Hunk also said.

Shiro looked over at them, who were staring directly at the screen, little smiles on their faces. When he turned to look at Matt, he was looking at him with an eyebrow raised. He shoved him with his shoulder and they left it at that.

On Tuesday, Shiro tried keeping himself busy at the pool until the very last minute. He even cleaned the mirrors in the dressing room about three times, granting him strange looks from his coworkers. Before leaving, he checked his bag at least four times to see if he had brought everything he needed. He even added a book one of his teachers had gifted him on aerospace research that she had gotten from a Scandinavian professor in case Keith was interested. He hoped he was.

He was out of the pool at five and, since he knew he would be at the shop too early, he sat and checked his phone for a while. After close to two minutes he couldn’t wait any longer and headed towards the shop. It was around 5:15 when he got to the café and while looking around to catch an empty table, he noticed that Keith was already there.

They both caught each other’s eyes at the same time. Keith stood up as Shiro approached the table. It was very close to the window, making Keith look like a fucking ethereal mystical being as he was bathed by gentle sunlight. He was wearing a loose red t-shirt and black pants, which made Shiro smile because it was very faithful to his whole aesthetic. And, god, did he look good in red.

For some reason he felt like he hadn’t seen him in years. It was as though every time he saw him felt like the first.

“Hey,” Keith said as he shook his hand.

“Hey,” Shiro kept eye contact as he sat down.

“How was the pool?”

“A little wet, if I’m honest.”

Keith rolled his eyes, and Shiro loved getting a reaction out of him. “You’re hilarious.”

He laughed. “It was a good day. Good class.”

Keith reached for his bag. “What do you teach?”

“I do everything here and there. I mostly give classes to senior citizens.” Shiro did the same and started getting his things out. “Mainly helping them exercise their limbs and keeping their head out of the water.”

“Sounds great. Besides exercising, it must also help them release stress.”

“I hope so. I try not to tire them too much, but they are always the most motivated groups. It’s great that they decide to go.”

“Yeah, I bet it must make them feel in control.”

Shiro smiled at that. “Yeah, that’s what I hope...”

The waiter arrived then and asked for their orders. Keith ordered a coffee and Shiro an iced tea. They both set their laptops up and when Keith opened his, Shiro noticed a few lines written on the case that said ‘_I’m never gonna know you now, but I’m gonna love you anyhow.’_

“Hey, that’s from Waltz 2, right?”

Keith looked up a little startled and moved his eyes towards his case. “Yeah, wait, you like Elliott Smith?”

“I do,” he grinned as he opened his own laptop. “I get most of my music taste from movies I love. I found Elliott through The Royal Tenenbaums. Why, do I really look that much like someone who’s into elevator music?”

He chuckled, “Maybe country music.”

Shiro shot him a look.

“I’m joking!” He shook his head. “The scene in that movie with Needle in the Hay fucks me up every time.”

“Ugh, same here. I don’t know why the fact that he cuts all his hair and beard off with some scissors makes it even more heartbreaking.”

“I know! And the music fits the scene perfectly. Thank you.” He said as he received his coffee. “Have you seen Good Will Hunting? Elliott’s songs also appear on it.”

“Thanks!” Shiro said as he received his own beverage. “I love that movie. He was nominated for an Oscar for Miss Misery.”

“Uh-huh,” He sipped from his coffee. “An immortalizing moment for him.”

“That’s one of my favorite musical performances from the Oscars.”

“What are others you also like?” He moved his head closer. “I bet one of them is Shallow, isn’t it?”

Shiro laughed on his tea. “I- Shut up.”

Keith snorted. “It **_is!_** I knew it.”

“You can’t blame me… the setting, the **_chemistry_**!”

Keith sat back and crossed his arms. “… Maybe I’ll give you that.”

Now it was Shiro who moved his head closer and narrowed his eyes. “You love it too, don’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

After that, they took their books out and exchanged them. Keith asked him about the Scandinavian one, and with a smug smile Shiro indulged him and offered to lend it to him. Keith perked up and accepted. He got immersed into reading.

Shiro tried focusing on the one Keith had shown him, but he couldn’t help stealing glances from time to time.

Throughout the hours they were there, he noticed that Keith liked playing with his hands when he was nervous. When he smiled, a little dimple appeared on the right side of his mouth, and when he grinned, it always reached his eyes first. When he laughed, his shoulders hopped upwards without meaning to, which was something that also happened to Shiro. His hair was almost black and was long enough that it covered most of his neck. He also noticed that he had a little scar under his lip that indicated there had been a piercing there at some point. He remembered when he was fifteen and he and Matt went downtown Denver to get nose rings, which lasted about a week because they got quickly infected.

From time to time, they quizzed each other on some topics. It didn’t surprise Shiro that Keith was way beyond ahead for his year. They discussed aerodynamics, aircraft dynamics, and different ways of designing. When they weren’t doing that, they shared music recommendations. He learned that Keith was into many things, but mostly indie folk and electronic music. Like himself, he loved movies, especially with good soundtracks. They spent a long time discussing Hans Zimmer and Interstellar.

Shiro tried hard to ignore the way he felt when Keith looked at him from under his eyelashes. He tried hard to ignore the heat that was born at the core of his stomach whenever they raised their eyes at the same time. Or the way he felt his whole body ignite every time he made Keith laugh.

Whenever he looked at him he remembered the credits song from that movie he had watched a few days before, God’s Own Country, The Days by Patrick Wolf.

And then he caught Keith looking at him, blushing and looking back down to his book. He knew he couldn’t ignore it anymore. And it wasn’t fair.

Around nine, only because the shop was about to close, they decided to call it a day.

“It was, uh, cool” He said, now outside of the shop, bag hanging from his shoulder.

“It really was,” Keith pushed him with his shoulder, “cool.”

Shiro pushed back and shook his head. “Any chance we could repeat it?”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “I’ve got almost all Wednesdays and Fridays off. The other days depend but, uh, I wouldn’t mind taking those evenings to study, or hangout.”

“I wouldn’t either.”

“Nice.”

They stared at each other for a while, Shiro felt like a fucking fourteen year old again. He didn’t want to go, but he didn’t like the reason behind that. He was torn.

“Uh,” Keith started, “Marmora’s is still open at this hour. I don’t know if you’d like to take a look at your car?”

Shiro stilled for a second. He didn’t know. “Maybe not today.”

“Sure.”

“It’s,” he began saying, he didn’t want Keith to think he didn’t want to spend more time with him. Suddenly his phone vibrated. “I…”

“Go ahead.”

He saw it was Matt when he looked at his screen asking him to join him for a movie and a drink at his place.

“It’s…”

“It’s cool.” Keith said genuinely. “I gotta go, anyway. Need to catch up on some work.”

“More work?”

“Yeah, sometimes I translate essays for extra cash.”

“Oh, what language?”

“Mostly Spanish, but also Chinese sometimes. I, uh, I learnt them from my parents.”

“That’s impressive. I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish. The classes at my school weren’t really that good.”

“I could teach you. If you wanted, that is.”

Shiro beamed. “I would love that. I could teach you Japanese in return, if you wanted to upgrade in your scale of multilingualism.”

Keith grinned. “Would love that.”

They said their goodbyes, both taking way too long to make the first move to leave. After they finally did, and Shiro saw as Keith crossed the street and turned to wave at him, he waved back, surely with the stupidest smile on his face, and headed towards the Holt’s place.

“Wait, how did you get here so fast?” Matt asked as he let Shiro in.

He dropped his bag on the nearest sofa. “I was around.”

“It’s almost ten, dude.” He crossed his arms. “Spill it, young man.”

Shiro turned to face him and crossed his arms as well. “I was at a coffee shop. Studying. With Keith.”

Matt snorted. “You are both big ass nerds, I love it. Wait.”

“What?”

“You were with him and you let me interrupt you?! I feel so bad now?!”

Shiro rolled his eyes and tossed him the popcorn he had bought on his way there. “Good.”

Keith and Shiro continued texting throughout the days, arranging to meet that Friday as well. They studied, they joked around, and they shared earbuds and listened to music. Shiro knew that things were beginning to feel a little different.

The following two weeks they initially began getting together at the café to study, but then they ended up walking around Denver and talking. Keith showed Shiro his favorite record stores, telling him which bands used to frequent them. Shiro was both overwhelmed by the amount of new music he had yet to discover and captivated by Keith’s passion and excitement as he showed him his favorite musicians. Shiro took him to an independent cinema where they usually played international films. They impulsively decided to enter the screening of the South Korean movie “Burning” and left the theatre speculating a thousand theories about what had actually happened.

They talked about anything and everything. Space theories, political conspiracies, and which comic books had to be brought to life by Taika Waititi. Shiro felt himself untangle, but he couldn’t help the need to hold himself back. To not give any step that he couldn’t take back.

“Frank Ocean.”

“Oof, amazing answer.” It was the Friday of the second week, they were sitting on a bench, and eating ice cream from a vegan store they had found around downtown Denver. “I love that you didn’t even think about it.”

“I like to think I’ve got good taste.” Keith smiled to himself. “What about you, who’s your celeb crush?”

“Hmmm,” he said, absentmindedly licking the ice cream falling off his cone, “probably Steven Yeun.”

When there was no reaction, he looked over at Keith who had his head over his arm that was resting on the back of the bench. “You okay?”

“Uh,” he said jumping back and clearing his throat. “Yeh. Yeah. Um. Yeah. Burning really changed you, didn’t it.”

“His acting was incredible in it. And I mean, every actor was, honestly. But he…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think he’s hot, I got it.”

Shiro rolled his eyes and pushed Keith, who pushed back.

“Hey, I never asked. What’s your favorite Elliott song?”

“Hm, probably,” Keith ate what was left of his cone, which Shiro purposefully ignored by looking at the trees, “Between the Bars.”

“Oh.” He looked back at him. “Mine too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s, it’s heavy. Most people say that the addiction Elliott talks about on his songs is mostly about alcohol and drugs, and I mean this song is obviously about alcohol, but he once said that this ‘addiction’ could be about anything that first occurred to us as it. ”

“I’ve read that too, and I agree.”

“What is it for you?”

Keith thought for a while before saying, “I feel like... masks can be some sort of addiction. It could be the drink Elliott referred to in the song. You know, lying to yourself so much, making this perfect façade of you that in the end you end up pushing everything that matters away without meaning to anyway.”

Shiro was quiet for a while. He didn’t know why he had wanted to ask Keith that question to begin with, but he regretted it when Keith put into words exactly what the song made him feel.

After a while he said, “wanna continue walking?”

Keith looked at him, offered a tender smile and nodded. “Let’s go.”

That night, Shiro offered to walk Keith home, which was only a few blocks away from Marmora’s and the coffee shop. He had his own one room apartment, which he mentioned was also very close to where Kolivan and his mother lived. Shiro realized that Keith didn’t necessarily like to talk about himself, but what he gave away, he did it implicitly. You could almost miss it if you weren’t paying attention.

They stopped when they were at the door of the building.

“Here it is.”

“I see that. It was…”

“Cool?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “cool. Maybe ‘cool’ could be our always.”

That earned him Keith exaggeratedly rolling his eyes and a push on his shoulder. “Shut the fuck up.”

And Shiro couldn’t stop smiling. Everything Keith did made him feel like he was on top of the world, and it confused the hell out of him.

He could tell that Keith was one of those people who took things seriously. He was all or nothing. Therefore, he would not allow himself to play with him. Any step he gave from then on had to be responsible.

And so he lowered his head and said, “I have to go.”

Shiro saw as Keith carefully inspected his face, making him feel like he was suddenly an open book. “Alright.”

He offered his hand. Keith looked at for a second before seizing him by the wrist and carefully pulling him closer, locking his arms around him. Shiro stood still for a second before giving in. He carefully raised his own arms, placed them around Keith and sank his face into the crease of his neck.

It felt so big. It felt so charged.

And it was just a fucking hug.

He felt the warmth radiating from Keith’s body and he drowned in it, melted in his arms. Shiro didn’t want to let go, and apparently Keith didn’t either, but he was the first one to carefully pull away. His arms shifted in order to put his hands on each side of Shiro’s. He looked up at him from under his god given stunning eyelashes and slowly gifted him a smile.

“Bye, Shiro.” He gently backed away, headed towards the building door, turned only once with the same smile plastered on his face, and went inside.

Shiro stood there, stupefied and overwhelmed, not really knowing what to do. Just staring at the same spot Keith had disappeared in.

When he got home, his whole body still felt a little electrified. He greeted Black, fed her and played with her for a while before he went to bed.

When his eyes were giving in, soothed by the harmonious purring he felt from the other end of his bed, he felt his phone vibrate on his nightstand.

_Goodnight, Shiro_, it read.

Striking warmth flooded his chest, and for that night, just that night, he told himself, he let it consume him.

**_Goodnight, Keith_**.

The next day, around seven, Shiro was reading on his sofa, Black on his lap, when he received a text from his boss.

**Hey, Shiro! You know I would never bother you this late, man**

**As you know I’m on my way to LA with Sarah but I forgot to change the security cameras **

**Would you please go change them? You know you can stay and swim for a while if you want**

**My only concern is that they get changed before tomorrow **

He leaned his head back and groaned, making Black jump a little. He and his boss had a great relationship, considering for how many years Shiro had been working there. But sometimes she could be the most oblivious person and Shiro had to be behind him like ‘Georgia, you know if you leave those there you can set the place on fire’.

** _Of course, Georgia_ **

** _No problem. Hope you get there safely. _ **

**You’re the best!**

At least he could use the pool, he thought. Black pressed her head against his phone and he laughed.

Then, he perked up, unlocked his phone again and texted: **_How do you feel about swimming? _**

They arranged to meet in front of the building, and when Shiro was off the bus, he smiled as he saw that Keith was already there sitting at the edge of the sidewalk.

As they greeted each other, Shiro noticed that the energy between them seemed different, amplified. Though he had been set to ignore it, he realized as it began betraying even his own body, making him blush against his will whenever he made Keith laugh, or making him stutter whenever Keith smiled at him.

“Come.” Keith said in a resolute voice which left him with no other option than to follow.

As they passed the entrance, Shiro asked, “Where are we going?”

“It was this way that I used to sneak in.”

Shiro smiled to himself, kept quiet and just followed him.

Keith inspected a space of the gate and looked completely dejected. “Shit, it’s completely closed.”

Shiro feigned dejection too as he placed his hands on his hips. “Guess we won’t be getting in.”

“No, I’ll find a way.” He said with complete conviction and continued inspecting the gate.

“Or,” Shiro approached him to draw his attention, and took the keys of the building from his back pocket, “we could use these.”

“You little shit.”

Shiro had never been there so late. He expected everything to be in complete darkness and that he’d have to turn on the lights, but when they got to the pool, the water was illuminated by moonlight. It was beautiful, everything was gray and blue, and so, so silent. When looking at the glass ceiling, you could only see some of the branches from the trees outside, and the bright, full moon.

He had worn his swimming trunks under his clothes, so when they settled close the pool, he started undoing his pants. Shiro tried hard not to still or to be obvious at the fact that he had noticed from the corner of his eyes that Keith had started doing the same. He felt something at the bottom of his stomach when he realized he wasn’t the only one stealing glances.

He stole a glance just when Keith was taking off his shirt, finally revealing the shape of his tattoo. Shiro had been right about the vines, and noticed how they turned into roses as they moved from his chest to his right bicep and shoulder. In the dim lighting, it seemed like a beautiful, detailed black ink work, though when the moonlight reached certain areas it looked as though the color expanded with the vines as a supernova. As Keith turned to set his shirt on the bench, Shiro saw as the vines and roses that grew from his shoulder, extended and advanced to the back of his neck that was covered by his hair. The whole shape of it reminded him of…

When Keith was about to turn, he focused on his own shirt. He stilled for a second remembering the scars on his body, but quickly shook his head and breathed out a _fuck it._ He grabbed the shirt from the back, taking it out and tossing it on the closest bench.

When he turned to look at Keith, he noticed that he was trying to subtly check him out. When Keith met his eyes, Shiro raised an eyebrow and smiled, and Keith straightened his posture and smiled back at him.

He kept eye contact with Keith as he started walking towards the pool, and Keith did the same. He started hurrying his pace to see if Keith would follow, and with a challenging grin, he did. When they both got to the edge of the pool they laughed, yelled and jumped into the water.

They splashed water at each other, they joked around, they swam and sang their favorite songs at the top of their lungs. He noticed that, even forcing it, Keith had an amazing voice. He also noticed that he rarely ever let himself sing as freely and without care. They raced each other, once, twice, as many times as both their competitive natures drove them to. Keith sometimes got quiet, and sometimes Shiro did too, but they shared the silence comfortably, floating on their backs, and looking at the beautiful night sky.

Shiro had felt miserable so many times in his life that he really tried to notice and appreciate the moments when he wasn’t. His road trips with Matt, his conversations with Allura, his game nights with Hunk. His life with his long gone family. He tried to cherish those moments and the people who granted them to him. At least, he decided, he wanted to do that.

And so, in that moment, he let whatever had been pinning down and filtering his feelings dissipate, and let them be. Because he hadn’t felt as free in a very long time. He looked at Keith and he looked back at him back in such a different way… in a way nobody had ever looked at him. He was happy there. With him. Maybe that’s all that matters, he thought. Maybe it’s time to stop being afraid.

“Where did you grow up?”

They were now resting their arms at one edge of the pool, moving their bodies in the water so they wouldn’t get cold.

“My family is originally from around Kobe, in Japan. Though, I’ve spent most of my life here in Colorado.” Shiro absentmindedly moved the tips of his fingers on the surface of the water. He knew this was the standard answer he gave whenever he was asked this question, but he couldn’t help it. “What about you?”

Keith pressed a cheek on one of his arms. “Mom’s from China. My- my dad was from Texas. I guess I could say I grew up there.”

Shiro hummed. “Do you speak Spanish from his side?”

Keith gave him a lopsided smile. “Yeah, my grandmother was from Chile. He grew up with her, mostly, so he was fluent in Spanish, and so he taught me. Were you born in Kobe?”

It was the first time they talked about their lives outside of the present. Shiro knew he didn’t have to push himself to talk, but he also felt like he wanted to. Plus, he was really interested in knowing more about Keith, if he was willing to share. And if he was, maybe so was he.

“Yeah… I moved to the States when I was little. Were you born in Texas?”

“I was. Little cowboy baby.”

He laughed. “Were you born with little cowboy boots?”

“And the hat.”

“Ah, of course. The hat. What about the horse?”

“What do you think? They give them to you the moment you learn how to walk.”

“I bet you called yours Lighting or something.”

He snorted. “Sir Lightning, that is. Let me know if you ever want a ride around town in my horse. Don’t want to ruin the surprise, but he may or may not have wings.”

Shiro palmed his face. “Sounds tempting. How far can he go?”

“From this very ground to Kobe.”

Shiro chuckled and splashed water at him. “Why take an airplane when I can just take your winged horse, Sir Lightning.”

Keith laughed alongside him and splashed him back. After a few seconds, he asked, “have you ever gone back?”

Shiro ran his fingers on the edge. “Not really. I would like to, though. Someday.”

“Do you have family there?”

“I’m… hmm… I’m not sure. I think some relatives on my father’s side, but I think they weren’t close. Do you still have relatives in Texas?”

“I don’t. Grandma died before I was born and, uh, my dad…”

“Hey, you don’t have you talk about it if you’re not comfortable.”

“I know, it’s fine. I want to. He passed when I was six. So no more family there.”

Shiro slowly nodded, not wanting to push it. “So you brought your horse with you.”

Keith laughed cheerily. “What kind of man leaves his horse behind?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” He laughed as well. “What kind of man do you think you are?”

“Oof,” Keith said as he started moving his hand slowly on the water. He looked at Shiro from under his wet hair. “I like to think I’m strong-willed, at least that’s the most common compliment I’ve received from other people. But I like it. And… maybe, loyal, and just. A little hot headed, to be fair. But certainly one that doesn’t leave his imaginary horse behind.”

Shiro laughed, pressing a side of his face on his arms. “I, too, think you are strong-willed. Like, you were going to break in no matter what, even if I hadn’t had the keys, I truly believed that.”

Keith looked down on the water. “Maybe that’s a bad attribute.”

Shiro shook his head. “I think it depends on the person who has it. And you… I think you are kind.”

That made Keith raise his head to look at him. “Hm.”

“What?”

“I just… I’m not told that very often.”

“I know we’ve only known each other for a while but... I like to think I am perceptive enough to catch on that.”

He hid his face oh his arms for a second. “So that’s the kind of man you are?”

Shiro made a face. “I don’t know, maybe. I guess I’m resourceful, I’d like to think I’m a good friend. Determined. I too think I’m strong-willed, and a little stubborn.”

“And patient,” Keith almost whispered. “Patience yields focus, right?”

Shiro raised both his eyebrows.

“I guess. Yeah, I guess I am. That really stayed with you, didn’t it?”

Keith smiled to himself and shook his head. “If you only knew.”

Before Shiro could ask, Keith interjected again, “For the record, you are kind too, Shiro.”

He felt warmth expand mercilessly all over his chest, leaving him a little speechless for a second. Whenever Keith spoke, Shiro knew that, whatever it was, it was the truth. No filter, just the truth as he saw it. And it felt big as the entire universe to acknowledge that’s how Keith saw him.

And so Shiro allowed himself to look at him differently, and at the way Keith’s entire posture changed meant that he noticed. Shiro suddenly started trembling, and it wasn’t because he was cold. And so he splashed Keith with water, making Keith roll his eyes and retaliate, and they swam a little more afterwards.

Then, they sat on the edge of the pool with their towels around them, each with one leg still on the water, and the other turned so they could face each other. Keith was telling him how his mother and Kolivan had met.

“How old were you?”

“Around eight. I really wanted to hate him. I was barely starting getting to know my mom, and suddenly this man entered our lives too. Mom handled it all very well, though. He didn’t start living with us after years, but he managed to gain my trust pretty quickly.”

Shiro narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to answer, but what do you mean you were barely starting to know your mom?”

Keith sighed. He looked down at the floor, like he was putting his thoughts together.

“Mom had her own thing in China. It’s not like my parents were separated, but… it’s complicated. She left when I was three, so it was mostly my dad and I. We barely had any contact with her.

“So when he died, I was taken to the system for a while before she found out about dad and came for me."

“The… the system?” Shiro’s heart started beating against his chest. “You mean the foster care system?”

Shiro realized he had asked in a pretty hurried, little exasperated tone because Keith looked a little taken aback. “Yeah, what about it?”

He told himself to breathe, and calm down. This wasn’t about him. “Nothing, go on”

Keith’s eyes soothed quickly after that. “My dad was a firefighter. I... I haven't really talked about this with many people... Anyway, one night there was an issue with the companies and he had to come deal with a fire here in Colorado with a few people from his team. He died in that fire.”

Something was off. Shiro felt it at the bottom of his stomach. 

He forced himself to remain as calm as possible.

“How long ago did it happen?”

“Around fifteen years, I think.”

Shiro started feeling a ringing on his ears rising gradually. His heart continued beating merciless against his chest. It couldn’t be.

“Sorry if I’m prying too much… but what did exactly happen?”

Keith narrowed his eyes, as if realizing that something was wrong.

“Uh… He went into a building here in Denver that was burning down, almost falling down. One of his friends told me they were barely able to rescue half of the people who lived there because of the level of the fire, but my dad wouldn’t give up.”

He stopped for a few seconds, and the scenery started appearing, playing at the back of Shiro's mind, like an old movie. 

He froze in place, knowing what Keith was about to say, and fearing it with everything he had.

“He went back in to rescue a child… He took them out, and apparently they didn’t speak the language and kept pointing at the building. My dad assumed their parents were there, so he went back in and… and never came back.”

He tried, he really tried to remain calm. For Keith. He kept telling himself it wasn’t about him, but he realized, with all the pain in his heart, that it also was.

He could, after a long time, picture the night pretty well. The asphyxiating smell of gas, of smoke, of what he now knew was burnt flesh. He remembered waking up in the middle of night and everything around him being gray. He remembered his mother taking him to the stairs, kissing him on the cheek and going back in to look for his dad. Then a big pillar falling close to him, close to the door, and trying to get as far away as possible from the fire, screaming for his mom.

And he remembered a man, tall, taller than his father grabbing him carefully and running down the stairs, taking him out of the building, rushing him to an ambulance. He remembered grabbing the man’s coat, screaming that his parents were still in there. He remembered the man’s big, blue eyes staring at him in concern as he pointed at the building and screamed. He remembered something shifting in his eyes in understanding and going back in.

Shiro’s family lived on the 10th floor. If he had only rationalized the situation… he would have realized that there was no way to save them.

He now realized he had sent that man to his death. He now realized that he had not been just a man. He had been a father. He had been Keith’s father. Keith’s father had died there on that building that night, along with his parents. Because of him.

Keith had been left without a father, when he was all he had. Because of that, Keith had been sent to the foster care system, and Shiro knew first-hand how it was.

He couldn’t believe it, it couldn’t possibly be, but it was. Yet another macabre twist of faith, another unveiling that revealed he was responsible of the suffering of somebody who he truly cared about. Someone who made him feel, finally, at peace. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, but it was what it was.

“Shiro? Is everything okay?”

Shiro couldn’t look at him. He knew how stupidly odd it made him seem, but he couldn’t help it. Especially with how concerned Keith sounded.

Something had broke on his heart, and he felt he was bleeding out.

“I… I’ve got to get going.”

He quickly dried himself with the towel, and put on his clothes.

“You can leave first, I’m going to change the cameras,” he said as Keith finished putting on his own clothes.

He felt as Keith tried to search for his eyes, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at him. After a few seconds he heard Keith breathe out, straighten his posture, said “Fine,” and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested, I made a playlist for this fic that you can check out here! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0uTV8KVpIlfjHkeZGqsdcO?si=0bSyfs4-T16LsCIYHF9A9w


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